Damaged: Time to Heal
by DisneyLover100
Summary: Book One: In order to stay clean, Spencer Reid must change some of his habits. That includes getting an AA sponsor, socializing more, and even going on a date. Reid is reluctant to go on the blind date his sponsor sets up, but finds that she may be the one for him. Can he tackle his biggest fears? Love and Abandonment. A sweet love story. No explicit sex scenes. Book 2 coming soon.
1. Chapter 1

Spencer felt his phone vibrate. He reached in his pocket to grab it and his fingers touched his 1-year sobriety coin. It had been a gift from his sponsor, Robert "Bob" Lozano, from the Beltway Clean Cops chapter of AA. The text was from Bob. All it said was "she said yes 703-555-1595" Damn, he was sure she would say no, but he didn't have time to think about that now. He was in South Carolina standing in the bullpen area of the Columbia Police Department (CPD) Headquarters with the rest of the team about to give a profile.

It was New Year's Day 2009 at 3:00 pm and a 5-year-old boy, Billy, had been missing almost 24 hours. Agent Jordan Todd, filling in for JJ while she's on maternity leave, had only received the call for help from the CPD this morning at 7:00 am. No one had noticed the child was missing until his mother called her estranged husband at midnight to wish her son a Happy New Year and found out he thought their son was with her. The babysitter usually kept Billy until almost bedtime when his mom was at work. She would then walk Billy to his dad's apartment after dinner. When the babysitter didn't bring Billy by 9:00 pm, he figured his wife had picked the boy up and got high and passed out.

The mom was an ER nurse and had picked up two 12-hour shifts working over the holiday. The hospital frowned upon that, but she needed the extra money and most of the nurses wanted to be off for New Year's. The CPD had been working under the assumption that it was a domestic case when she first called, because the father had a history of taking the boy on trips without the mother's consent. They had contacted the babysitter at 5:00 am and she told them 2 cops that had arrived with an accident report nd had taken Billy around 4:00 pm the day before. She was very upset and was helping give a police artist a description of the 2 at the station. When Agent Todd was contacted, she contacted the team and they were debriefed on the plane in route to Columbia, SC by 9:00 am.

Hotch was telling the group the father's drug habit had helped lead to this abduction and Spencer unconsciously reached down to finger his 1-year bronze medallion again. On the front it had the AA motto "_To Thine Own Self Be True_" around the edge and in the middle the words Unity, Service, and Recovery on three sides of a triangle with a number 1 in the center. On the back were the words: "_I know I am not alone and it is okay to ask for help_." in script lettering.

He had been clean for 1 year, 6 months and 17 days. He had only used for 4 months and 11 days, but that did not make it easy to stop. He had become addicted to Dilaudid when he was kidnapped, tortured, and drugged by an unsub, Tobias Hinkle. It was Raphael, one of Tobias' personalities that kidnapped him on Super Bowl Sunday, February 4th, 2007. Over the three days he was held captive, Tobias administered Dilaudid three to four times a day. Tobias thought he was doing him a favor by helping him take away the pain of the beatings from "his father", another personality.

Spencer will always remember Friday, June 15, 2007 as the first day of his sobriety. The next 20 days were sheer hell while he was weaning himself off the drug. He called in sick on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday the next week. On Thursday, he had gone back to work, but it was obvious to everyone that he was not himself.

He really had not been himself since he was kidnapped. Everyone at first shrugged it off as PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), but they soon realized it was much more. He wasn't as sharp as he used to be, he snapped at both co-workers and witnesses, and was more quiet than usual. He continued to be of service on their heavy caseload and no one wanted to see him fired so they pretended that everything was fine.

After the kidnapping, Hotch had made him take a week off and go to the mandated therapy sessions. The FBI required agents that have taken a life to see someone, plus the fact that he had been taken hostage and beaten, he needed to go to several appointments. He knew exactly what to say to the FBI psychiatrist to convince him he was dealing with the issue. He couldn't make too light of the situation and make the doctor think he either wasn't dealing with it or was lying. But if he sounded too upset they wouldn't have let him come back to work. He knew the exact words to use to walk that thin line. He didn't want to stay home with his thoughts; he wanted to get back out in the field as soon as possible. Reid did not mention the Dilaudid to the psychiatrist and the drug use was not listed on any of the official reports.

When Reid took the rest of the drug from Tobias' pocket after he had died; he told himself he was just taking it so he could detox by himself. He did not want the drug use mentioned in the field report or at any doctor, psychiatrist or hospital visits. He knew any sudden stop in use of this strong of a narcotic could lead to severe withdrawals and even heart failure. But in reality, he had started to like that he could escape his thoughts. He had every police report and crime photo from all of the cases he had ever worked on in his memory and sometimes he would like to forget. This was the first thing that ever gave him that escape. He was very careful of the dosage, only used occasionally and with the stash he had, he was able to stretch it out for over 2 months.

Several times he planned to quit, during a few of the cases, when he realized he could be a danger to himself or others he told himself he would detox when they went home. But there was always another case and another reason not to quit. He hated feeling weak. He had even had to obtain the drug illegally. From his time in DC and in the FBI he knew where and how to get a supply without much chance of getting caught. The events of June 15th, the day he finally quit, will always be a huge reminder to help keep him clean. He had nearly got caught in a DEA sting that day. Because of his observation skills and FBI training, he saw that a drug bust was about to happen. He had been fortunate, if he had arrived 5 minutes earlier, even with his training he would have been caught in that sting. He had to make a decision that day, did he want to loose everything or finally quit. He started his detox that day and had the determination to finish over the next 20 days.

He really had wanted to talk to someone on his team about it, but that wasn't possible. At first he thought he was keeping it a secret and nobody knew, but ultimately he knew that there was no way he could keep anything like this a secret for long. Everyone knew he was having a problem and he knew everyone wanted to help him. They each had approached him at one time or another but he couldn't risk their careers talking to them about it. Plausible Deniability. Suspecting something and knowing for sure that he was still using were completely different. If he talked to anyone about it and anytime in the future their superiors found they knew he was using and they didn't report it, they could loose their job. He needed work through this himself.

He knew he wasn't as sharp as he should be, but he still was able to help solve their cases. As long as he was doing his job, he was sure Hotch wouldn't fire him. There had been several times he had helped break the case, although looking back, he should have figured it out earlier. They had been sent to New Orleans on a case one-month after he came back to work. He had been the one to notice that the murders and the letters were reminiscent of a famous case of Jack the Ripper. If he hadn't been high or busy visiting with Ethan Bellamy, a friend and former FBI training colleague, he would have figured that out sooner. Fortunately, he had been able to help catch the unsub before he had taken his final victim and gone off the grid completely. Even Ethan knew he was using and had tried to talk to him about it, but he wasn't ready to talk about it, or quit and was sure he was smart enough to still do his job.

In the bullpen, Prentis and Morgan were going over the details of the child's abduction from the babysitter's home. A couple dressed in CPD uniforms had come to the home with an official looking accident report saying that the boy's father had been hurt in a car crash and he was being treated at the hospital the mother worked at. The "officers" were there to take the boy to see his parents. Over the past 6 hours the team was able to piece together a profile. With the babysitter's descriptions of the abductors and the dark blue sedan they were driving, a photo of Billy, a conference call with Agent Katie Cole from The Crimes Against Children Unit, a lot of leg work going through past abduction cases in the area, and Garcia's computer searches on suspects that would be aware of the family's and babysitter's habits, they had located an encrypted website with Billy's photo for an auction. They had dealt with this type of thing before and knew they needed to act quickly, but for now everyone was pleased that the boy was alive.

The auction was scheduled to end at 10:00 pm. They had 7 hours to find Billy. Hotch and Reid started to give the profile of the abductors and how they would be handling the auction, what were the best ways to find them, and because they wanted the boy to bring top dollar that they would most likely keep him in a local home with lots of privacy and would want to keep him safe and harm free until he was given to the highest bidder. At that point the boy would likely be taken out of state and would be nearly impossible to find.


	2. Chapter 2

Garcia in her BAU office and 2 computer techs from the CPD started searching through social networking sites hoping to catch a photo of the abductors shortly before or after the abduction. There was a coffee shop and a park across the street from the babysitter's place and they were hoping that they would get lucky with people posting from those locations. They were also looking through the local red light cams from yesterday afternoon, hoping they could find the car the babysitter had described.

At about 7:00 pm they caught a big break. They found some posts from a few teenagers on Facebook the night before warning their friends not to go to the "repo house" tonight. According to the teens past posts, there was a large, abandoned, bank owned home for sale in a middle class neighborhood that had been the hot spot for young couples for the last two weeks. Some of the FB chatter said they had seen some cops going into the back yard. Most of the kids thought they had found out they were hanging there, but one person said that there was a young boy with the cops.

That was enough to get a search warrant and head over to the house. They had the place surrounded and the male suspect tried to jump the fence to escape and was caught. The female tried to shoot one of the SWAT agents and threatened to hurt the boy. Without her knowing, Morgan and Reid had been able to get to the window of the room Billy was being held. Morgan had entered the house and passed Billy out to Reid and bring him to safety. The female suspect was shot in the shoulder but would be fine. Billy was taken to the hospital for overnight observation, but was unharmed as the team had predicted.

As they were heading back to the airport for the drive home, Spencer thought again about the text he had received earlier. Bob, his sponsor, had become a good friend over the last 8 months and he had been trying to set Spencer up with his granddaughter, Chelsea since early November. He was not interested in dating anyone right now, but especially a relative of his sponsor. He was worried that it would be uncomfortable when it didn't work out. He was sure that no one would want to date him. He had seen photos of Chelsea from childhood, high school graduation, college graduation and a few recent shots at Bob's house. She was very beautiful. She had the same coloring as Bob, most likely from his Northern Italian heritage. Dark brown hair, fair skin and bright green eyes. In every photo she was smiling and truly looked happy. Why would Bob think she would have anything in common with him?

Spencer enjoyed his life, he had work and was friends with his co-workers, he loved to spend time by himself and read, he had chess acquaintances, and recently he had been playing poker and going to an occasional party or gathering with Bob and his law enforcement friends. But people tolerating his idiosyncrasies for a few hours in a group, was much different than someone dealing with them one-on-one on a date.

He had met Bob the night he had come back to Virginia after taking Owen Savage into custody in West Bune, Texas in April, 2008. He didn't know how Hotch had known he had been to an AA meeting before they left on the case, but he knew Hotch was great at his job and wasn't surprised. He had made the friendly suggestion he go back when they got home. Spencer had already decided to go, but was not offended at Hotch's suggestion. He could have fired him after the Owen case, but he thought Reid was good enough at his job to give him another chance. Spencer didn't want to disappoint him.

Reid didn't know it then, but Bob had been coming to every meeting looking for him since he had to leave the meeting early last week for the case. Bob had been in the group for Spencer's first meeting and had been impressed with him. He was amazed that he had kicked a Dilaudid habit on his own and was very curious how he had started using such a strong and dangerous drug. Spencer had told the group he had stopped 10 months before, but now was having a hard time with a 20-year-old murder suspect being killed in front of him. Bob again was impressed, this time by the boy's empathy. So many in law enforcement would not care at all if someone accused of murder was killed, even if it was in front of them or a young person.

Bob did not sponsor many people, he personally was a recovering alcoholic, and the few he did sponsored were also. He felt he was only a help to an individual that had a strong desire to stay clean and Spencer really sounded like he would do anything to not start using again. There were many cops that came through these meetings as part of a court mandated rehabilitation program, but Bob didn't think he was equipped to help them. They needed more expertise than Bob felt he had.

Bob was very intrigued by Spencer. He didn't seem like a typical law enforcement agent in looks or in presence. Bob wanted to talk to him and started attending every Beltway Clean Cops meeting in hope of seeing him again. His persistence finally paid off, he was at a 9:00 pm meeting five days later and Spencer was there. It was a smaller group this night and the leader had everyone pull their chairs into a circle. Spencer said he had just come back from a difficult case and wasn't ready to talk about it yet. The meeting was over by 10:00 and Bob approached Spencer, told him he had seen him last week and asked if he would like to go get a cup of coffee.


	3. Chapter 3

Bob and Spencer were sitting in a neighborhood Starbucks. It was a local AA hotspot and stayed open until 1:00 am. Looking around the room Spencer recognized 6 people from the meeting they just left. Bob started the conversation telling Spencer about himself. He had been a DC cop for 10 years then he moved to New York where he was promoted after a few years to Detective. He and his wife had one son who moved back to DC and also became a cop. He had always been a social drinker and sometimes had overindulged, but never while working or the night before.

In July of 1993, Bob's wife went to the hospital to have a benign lump removed from her breast. They had been extremely happy that it had not been cancer and it was scheduled as an outpatient surgery. During the surgery, she had a bad reaction to the anesthesia and as they worked on her she went into cardiac arrest. They revived her twice, but the third time she flat lined; they were unable to resuscitate her.

"I was devastated. We had been together 37 years and she was my whole life outside of the job. I only took a week off work, because I didn't want to be home alone all day. I started drinking more and even many nights I would drink until I passed out. I never drank while at work, but I arrived hung over more than once. This went on for about three months until my partner called Rob, my son, and told him what was happening."

He paused for a minute and continued, "Rob took a week off and came up to stay with me. It wasn't magic; I didn't just stop drinking the day he arrived, but it did show me I had something to live for. I didn't want to get drunk in front of him so that week I was never hung over at work and that did feel good. After he left, I did still get drunk on weekends, the house was so empty without her, but I managed to stay sober the entire next week. This went on for another few months. I sought out a grief counselor, slightly under protest, but with my Captain's persistent suggestion and it really did help. Seven months after her death, I had returned to my old self, I still missed her, but I wasn't in constant pain and craving a drink. I thought the worst had passed."

"Almost a year after her death, in June 1994, I received a call at work from Rob's Captain. He had been killed in the line of duty. I barely remember the rest of the conversation. I heard he had been shot in the head while out on a domestic violence case, but the rest was blank. Everything went dark, there was a rushing sound and just as it felt like I would pass out my stomach started to heave. I grabbed a trashcan and threw up right at my desk. I don't even remember getting home that night."

"Most of that week is a blur. I left the next morning for Virginia and stayed with my daughter-in-law, Elizabeth and their 11-year-old daughter Chelsea to help plan the funeral. It was a huge Catholic service in Virginia with a police procession to the cemetery in DC. The department reserved a large room at the FOP Lodge 1 (The Fraternal Order of Police District of Columbia Lodge) for the reception. Elizabeth and I were both in a daze and I think the priest, Rob's Captain, Rob's partner and Chelsea planned everything."

"A week later I was home and this time drinking almost all day. I know I still had Elizabeth and Chelsea, but I was so overwhelmed with grief, at that point I didn't care about anyone or anything. I wasn't doing well at work, but no one wanted to say anything because they knew what had happened and felt sorry for me." He paused and looked directly at Reid. "That only made it worse; I hated the pity. "

"Eight months after Rob's death, I was driving home from a bar drunk late one night in an official vehicle. I lost control and slammed into a covered bus stop. Fortunately it was after the bus service had stopped running so no one was sitting there. I looked up and a young lady with a baby in a stroller was staring at me. I jumped out to see if they were OK. They were unhurt, only frightened by the accident. I was sure someone had called 911 by that time and I called my captain at home."

"The cops that arrived were from my precinct. I told them about the women, but she had disappeared. I was ready to take whatever punishment was coming. The accident had sobered me enough to realize how dangerous I was to others and myself. I'm ashamed to say that my precinct helped me out of what could have made a horrible situation worse. They did not take any sobriety test on the scene. No one was hurt and the department's insurance would cover the damage."

"At least they didn't just ignore the situation. They gave me an ultimatum. I could take an early retirement, with full benefits and seek professional treatment for my addiction or charges would be filed. I agreed with one condition. They needed to try and find the women with the baby. I wanted to make sure she was OK. She would be able to tell that I was drunk and I didn't want this to come back on the precinct if she were to file charges later. They agreed, I took a leave of absence and they started to aggressively look for her. I don't know if she was illegally in the country and afraid of testifying to what she saw, if she was too scared for another reason, or she just didn't want to get involved and wanted to move on. Whatever her reason, after two weeks of canvassing the neighborhood and advertising for a witness of an accident to come forward, she never did."

"I didn't just stop drinking overnight. I was completely sober for the two weeks they were looking for the witness and that weekend when she wasn't found, I went out to celebrate with a drink. I was sure I could handle a couple. Again I was drunk, but this time I took a cab home. I had at least learned something. I was so upset at myself the next day I stayed home and drank a liter of Scotch. The next day, I threw away all of the alcohol in the house. I knew it was too much of a temptation. I started with an AA group for NY cops and found a sponsor. I reached the one-month sober milestone 4 times before I actually stayed sober."

"After I was sober for four full months, I decided to move to Virginia to be closer to Elizabeth and Chelsea. It took me four more months to sell my home and move to my cabin here, but I stayed sober that whole time. I joined The Beltway Clean Cops chapter as soon as I moved here and my old sponsor helped me connect with someone here. I haven't had a drink now for 14 years. I found that now I am able to be around it without craving it at all. I even have several different bottles at my home for company and to prove to myself I can."

"I'm telling you all of this because I know that although everyone has their own story and own reason for an addiction, no one needs to do it alone. There are people that you can call or talk to at any time of day. If you are comfortable with me, I'd love to see how I can help you and sponsor you, or I'd be happy to find someone else if you prefer."

Spencer studied the man in front of him. Watching his body language and listening to his vocal inflections as he told his story; Spencer made the decision to trust him. When he had been at the last meeting, John Greenwood the Director of the FBI had lent him his one-year sobriety coin to keep until he earned his own. He had not mentioned anything about being a sponsor and Spencer was sure that he was too busy to take on that role. He was a bit surprised and impressed that the Director had known whom he was. The Director is appointed by the President and has to be approved by the US Senate before he can take the post. Spencer realized again how unique he was that a person of his stature would recognize him. It was nice to know that he had his back if necessary.

Bob would have the time to help Spencer if he was to need it and he obviously had been waiting to meet him. Spencer started by telling him that he was a profiler in the BAU at the FBI. Bob had told him that everything was confidential and he didn't need to give any personal details if he didn't want to, but work was how he became addicted so it was important information.

Bob was familiar with the BAU so Spencer continued. He told him about being kidnapped, tortured and drugged over 3 days without talking about the details of the case. The case was not classified and he could have talked about it, but the details were irrelevant to the addition. He told Bob he had continued to use the drug, not mentioning how he had obtained it, for over four months and how he was afraid he would lose his job and his friends if he had continued. He had decided to quit and detoxed himself without ever admitting to anyone he had a problem. He did tell Bob that he was aware that people knew about the problem, but it was never spoken about out loud.

"After being clean for seven months, we were on a case where a 22-year-old male had beaten and killed three other young people and kidnapped a forth. The father of the fourth was in witness protection and killed the suspect in front of me. I was the only agent on the scene and I really tried to talk him down. I thought I had gotten through to him." Spencer paused and swallowed hard, "I really thought he was going to put the rifle down. But he pulled the trigger. Two others on my team arrived just after the shot to take him away. I was in shock."

"After that, I kept having nightmares of that boy's face as the man pulled the trigger. I knew that the Dilaudid would take away the pain, but I also knew how much else it could take away." He continued by telling Bob how he had found the group on the Internet and thought about going for a week before he actually came to the meeting last week. He didn't know what to expect, but he needed to talk to someone.

"The worst part is that this morning I almost lost my job, I could have been killed or I could have caused someone else to be killed." Spencer stopped and looked around like he wasn't sure he wanted to talk about it.

Finally he made the decision to tell the whole story about Owen Savage. How he had identified with him and why and how he had saved the boy's life by risking his own. He explained what an eidetic memory was, that he had graduated from high school at age 12, and told him about all of his degrees. He explained how he had started at the FBI as a very young man with SSA Jason Gideon as his mentor.

Bob was amazed at how much this man, really a still a boy in many ways at 27, had endured. He almost wanted to reach out and hug him and he found himself close to tears several times while Spencer was speaking. It was almost 1:00 am and the Starbucks was closing for the night.

Spencer looked around and was surprised by the time. They had been talking for almost three hours. He really did feel better just saying everything out loud to someone that was sworn to secrecy and wouldn't betray him, especially if it would help him stay clean. Bob handed him his card and said, "I'd love to be your sponsor. You can call me anytime, day or night if you feel the need to talk and especially if you have any cravings. You can also call even just to keep in touch so you'll know that I'm here if you need me."


	4. Chapter 4

Spencer had liked Bob and did plan to contact him again. Just over a week later, he called him, as he was about to leave for Miami on a case. He gave Bob his full name and contact information and told him he was headed out of town for a case, but he would like to meet and talk with him again when he returned if that was OK.

Bob was very glad to hear from him and told him if something on the case made him have any feelings he wanted to talk about to call at any hour. Spencer thanked him and was feeling good about the new relationship. It was a good feeling to know that he could call someone for help when needed.

The case was psychologically an interesting one with an unsub taking on the identity of whomever he kills, but not anything that made Spencer feel a need to escape. The other really interesting thing about the trip was that JJ had finally admitted she was in a relationship with Will LaMontagne. Everyone on the team had already known about it, but she felt it was a big secret.

That was one of the things he would talk to Bob about. He found it interesting how everyone talked so openly about most things, but they all kept a few secrets from each other. Now that his drug use was not a secret, he found it odd that he wanted to keep his attachment to the Beltway Clean Cops and Bob a secret.

Over the next eight months, Spencer had grown to really like and admire Bob. Bob was always trying to get Spencer to go to events with him and his friends. Most of his friends were active and retired law enforcement officers and Spencer was never sure how Bob knew them. Some faces he remembered from the AA meetings, but many of them would openly be having a drink. Spencer too could have an occasional drink, but mostly when he attended someplace with Bob he would drink water.

Bob was very persuasive and many times Spencer was not planning to attend something, but Bob would insist he go. Bob kept insisting that he needed to get out and live a life if he planned to stay clean. He couldn't spend all his time at work or with his nose in a book. Both of those were ways of escaping life and not dealing with issues that may come up. Spencer tried to argue that he had always done that, but Bob reminded him that he had not always been an addict and some of his habits would have to change if he planned remain clean for life.

He felt some of the same connection in not wanting to disappoint Bob as he did Hotch. One Sunday in September Bob convinced him to go to a family barbeque at the Virginia State Trooper Firing Range. Twice a year, the department would host this event. For $25 per person or $50 per family you could eat all you wanted. They had hamburgers, hot dogs, ribs and tons of salads and side dishes. For the admission fee, you received two tickets for either beer or wine, but water and soft drinks were unlimited.

The outdoor firing range was open to anyone that wanted to use it, including teens, with proper supervision. You could use your own weapon; most of the attendees were carrying their service revolvers. Or you could rent something from a variety of firearms. This was a great opportunity to try out something you had never fired before.

Spencer did not really want to attend, but Bob had called him two times in the last two days to see if he was called on a case and had even called him this morning to make sure he was coming. He was amazed at how many people were there. The firing range was separated from the picnic area by a huge wall and it was over 100 yards away from the barbeque pits and food. A small carnival was set up for the young children and there were dozens of them running around with their parents. He could hear the shots in the background, but it wasn't overpowering.

He saw Bob and went over to say hi. Bob was sitting with six of his friends and they were already eating. John walked up said hi and motioned to Spencer to go with him to get some food. Spencer had met him a couple times before and remembered he was a DC Metro training officer. He guessed that he was between 35 and 40 years old, much closer in age than any of Bob's other friends in attendance. John mentioned that his wife Becky and both of his kids were visiting Becky's grandparents in Florida that weekend and were not able to attend the barbeque this year.

He was interested in the BAU and was asking questions about his job at the FBI as they moved through the food line. He had asked a few questions when they met before, but he was hoping to get more details today if Spencer didn't mind. Spencer was happy to answer any questions he had and actually was grateful for someone to talk to. There was a lot of activity going on, but Spencer didn't feel he fit in with the group at all.

They took some seats close to where Bob sat and John asked Spencer to tell him about a few cases. Spencer told a few of the interesting stories trying to stay away from the cases that had to use his memory to solve it. He wasn't sure if it would look like he was bragging and he didn't want John to get annoyed.

At one point, John asked what exactly an eidetic memory was and did it help his team solve some of the cases. Spencer realized that Bob had mentioned it to him so he told him the case of Randall Garner and how in his delusional mind he thought the BAU was the modern version of the Knights of the Round Table. John was fascinated that Garner had singled out Spencer and made his whole team play his game to save a girl. Spencer kept many of the details vague and when he did talk about his mom, he didn't mention her illness or how she knew Garner. During the story they had gone over to the desert table and grabbed several of the cookies and small cakes and some coffee.

When they had finished eating, John suggested that they go over to the firing range, but Spencer was hesitant. Firearms had never been his strong point, and he had even failed his certification one time. He didn't want to go over and make a fool of himself or the FBI in front of all these people. Somehow John picked up on his hesitation and said. "This place is a lot less intimidating than the practice ranges in the basement of my department. I'm sure it's the same at the FBI. You feel like the walls are pushing in on you and everyone up in the observation room is staring at you, right? I love to come and practice out here. No one is watching, they are all having fun with their friends and there isn't any room overlooking the range."

Spencer nodded and followed John over to the sign-in table. They just made sure everyone was over 18 or had a parent with them, and signed a release form. They had many unusual guns to rent; some of them even were antiques. John and Spencer signed the forms and entered the range. It was huge. There were at least 20 separate stalls and small groups had formed in a few of them. It looked like there were many friendly wagers going on in the stalls.

John motioned for Spencer to follow him down towards the end. It was empty down there except one man in the very last stall. He was very intent on his firing and had 10 different firearms with boxes of ammo next to each one. John laughed "This is the only time of the year they set up all of the unique firearms to rent for the day. Some people look forward to this all year long and will spend the day trying different weapons."

John grabbed a pair of goggles and headgear to protect the ears and Spencer did the same. John took his service revolver out and fired 6 rounds at the target at the end of the range. All six neatly hit the center of the target. John motioned for Spencer to do the same and Spencer again hesitated.

John had him take of his headgear and told him, this is the best place to practice. No one is watching or judging. I come here a few times a year just to relax and shoot. Spencer nodded, he knew there was no way to get out of it now, so he put back on the headgear and fired two shots. Both missed the target, but not by much. John told him to take a deep breath and exhale when firing. He noticed that Spencer was holding his breath while pulling the trigger. Spencer fired again and hit the bull's-eye. He fired his last three rounds and hit the center each time. John smiled and told him again that he really hated the indoor ranges and this place made him a much better shot.

Spencer was beginning to think that John would make a pretty good profiler himself. He had somehow known that Spencer did not really want to discharge his weapon. Maybe from the stories he had told him at lunch. He had not made a big deal about it, nor shown any superiority at his expertise; just help Spencer relax and shoot. That was the main problem Spencer had with the firing range. He only went when he knew he was about to get re-certified and was always nervous. Maybe today's lesson would help him relax when he needed to do it again this November.

November was a very busy month for the BAU, especially for Spencer. The team had gone early in the month to Las Vegas to help with a child abduction case. They were successful in returning the young boy to his parents, but the trip to Spencer's hometown and the case triggered some buried memories from his past. He had even accused his estranged father of murder.

They had found the real killer from the cold case and Spencer had to apologize to his father for his accusation. This had been the first time he had seen his dad in 17 years, since he had walked out on his mother and him. The trip had slightly healed some old wounds. He still did not forgive his father for leaving, but he understood that it wasn't his own fault and some of the anger had melted away. He had no plans to start a relationship with him again, but he had been pleased at how kind he had been to his mom during the investigation. It was comforting to see that there must have been some love between them when they were married and when Spencer was born.

On Sunday, Spencer had gone to the Virginia Rifle Club with Bob and a few of his friends for brunch. Bob had been a member of the private club since he moved to DC. He had invited Spencer a few times, but he had either declined or had been out of town on a case. He had just returned from Las Vegas on Friday and decided that he wanted to see Bob to talk about his father and decided that a brunch with his friends sounded nice. He and Bob stayed after the others had left and went to the bar area to talk. Their seats overlooked the underground firing range. You could not see who was shooting or hear any sounds from the range. The bar had a huge thick glass wall and you could just see the paper targets.

He had told Bob the entire story and he had listened carefully. He had stopped him twice to ask a question. Bob had been pleased how Spencer had handled the situation at the end and was very happy to hear that he had no urge to use during either case. Bob would never have asked Spencer to contact his father, but he did feel the encounter was another step towards staying clean for life.

After Spencer had finished the story, Bob started to talk about his granddaughter, Chelsea. Spencer had seen many photos of her at Bob's place and Bob talked about her mostly when recounting his own addiction and the death of his son. This time he was telling Spencer that she was now 26, living alone and single. He really wanted her to find a nice guy. Spencer was shocked at Bob's next comment. He told Spencer that he thought that they would have a lot in common and that Spencer should ask Chelsea out. Spencer was adamant about his answer. He really wasn't interested in dating anyone right now, he was managing to stay clean, but he didn't want to bring anyone new into his live. He couldn't understand why Bob would think they had anything in common. Bob had dropped the subject and they finished their coffee watching the paper targets get hit and then move underneath them and fresh targets appear several minutes later.

The next day, Rossi and Spencer had been giving a lecture at Georgetown University when a man claiming to be a professor baited both Rossi and Reid to find 5 missing people and dared them to prove he had killed 7 others.

Then less than a week after saving the 5 people, one teacher and 4 children, and sending the professor to prison, they were called to Atlanta on another case.

Morgan had insisted he go to a nightclub with him to pass out the wanted photos. Morgan had also given him some tips on picking up a girl. Spencer had not really wanted to go to the bar or try and pick up on a girl, but he kept remembering Bob's words to step outside his comfort zone and to start to live a little. He actually had been successful in using a magic trick to start a conversation with a very cute bartender.

When he told Bob about it, he had been very impressed and asked if Spencer planned to go and see her again. Spencer told him that she had called him at work to let him know how she was doing, but they had nothing in common and he was absolutely not planning to go to Atlanta to see her. Bob had again brought up the subject of asking out Chelsea and Spencer again said no. He insisted she would not be interested in a guy like him. Most people in the BAU are single because trying to date is difficult due to the hours of their jobs and if they are married, divorce is not uncommon. He reminded Bob that he often rattles of facts that scare many people. He couldn't understand why Bob would want his only granddaughter to date a recovering addict, he felt like damaged merchandise.

In between all of the November cases, his firearm's re-certification was due and he passed with the best score he ever had. After the day with John, Spencer had gone down to the FBI range and tried to relax and think about the outside range. The test results did not escape Hotch's notice. He knew something was different about Spencer recently, but the changes seemed for the better so he kept it to himself.

Spencer seemed to be slowly growing more comfortable with whom he was and trying to interact more with the people they worked with on cases. Hotch was especially proud of how he had handled himself in Colorado with the head of the fringe religious sect. He had been instrumental in getting out most of the group alive including Prentis and himself. He was also pleased at how he had dealt with the mind games that Professor Rothchild had tried to use on both Rossi and him. He had not let that distract him from helping them find the identities of the seven women that he had murdered and figure out the Professor's obsession with the Finocchi sequence.

December had been mostly uneventful. They had traveled a few times on cases, but mostly worked on profiles for police agencies around the country to help them on difficult cases. This year their team had been on call for both Christmas and New Year's, but they were not called out on a case until New Year's Day.

He had seen Bob a couple of times in December, and every time Bob had talked about Chelsea. He told Spencer that he had mentioned him to her and she said she would be happy to go out to dinner with him sometime. As Spencer was traveling back home to Virginia, he was now regretting his last attempt to dissuade her. He had told Bob to tell her the truth of what he did for a living, his IQ and eidetic memory and why he and Bob knew each other. He was sure that would dissuade her from saying yes to a blind date. Who would want to go out with a recovering addicted genius that works 24/7 in a dangerous occupation?

He looked again at his message from Bob. It was almost 11:00 pm on January 1st. He knew he had no choice but to call her. If he didn't call, he would look extremely rude both to Bob and to Chelsea. It was too late to do anything about it tonight, but tomorrow was Friday, he decided to call first thing in the morning and see if she was available that night or on Saturday. He might as well get this out of the way. He was sure it would not go well.


	5. Chapter 5

Spencer called and talked to Chelsea the next morning from work. He had taken a break and gone downstairs out into the courtyard of the FBI building. It was a chilly morning and there were very few people outside. She answered and told him she did not have any plans and that tonight would be lovely.

He told her about an Italian restaurant named Villa Sorriso in Springfield, Virginia and asked if she would like to meet him there at 7:00 pm. She agreed. Actually she was relieved that he had offered to meet her at the restaurant, she never felt comfortable giving her home address to a blind date. Even though her grandpa had recommended him and she was not afraid of her personal safety this time, she didn't like the awkward dance that happened when she was brought home from a date with a guy she had no interest in. She was glad she didn't have to suggest that they meet at the restaurant and he had enough sense to suggest it himself.

Chelsea walked into the small Italian restaurant 10 minutes before 7:00. She had arrived early and wandered around the area and found an antique store to spend some time in. She took a seat at the entrance facing the door. She knew Spencer had seen many photos of her at her grandpa's house and was sure he would have no problem recognizing her if he could see her when he walked in.

Around 5 minutes later, she saw a very tall thin man wearing a black trench coat with a purple scarf walking towards the door through the window. Under the jacket, she could see a deep burgundy shirt with a matching tie with some type of colorful sweater. His hair was slicked back in a fashion that would not be appealing on many, but she thought it was perfect on the man's soft yet masculine face. His chiseled features and small clef chin made it difficult not to stare at him. She was almost disappointed that she had agreed to this blind date with the FBI agent, she would have liked to introduce herself to this man. As he walked into the restaurant, he looked straight at her with amazing hazel eyes and smiled. She started to look away because she felt it would be rude to be talking to this man if her date arrived and as she pulled her eyes away from his she noticed both a badge and weapon on his belt. Could this be her date? He did not look like any FBI agent she had seen before.

The man approached her and held out his hand and asked "Chelsea?"

She was almost too startled to respond. But she gained her composure, stood up shook his hand and said "Hi, you're Spencer?"

He had a small shy smile and nodded yes and said "Let's see if they have our table ready."

The hostess told them it would be just a minute and Chelsea mentioned that she had never been here before. "My team at work comes here sometimes after hours and the food has always been good. We have also come here for a meal if we are on a local case because they can sit us at a large table in the corner and with the acoustics in the main dining room, we can talk about the case without the background noise of other tables. Did you know the word acoustic is derived from the Greek word _akoustikos_, meaning 'of or for hearing, ready to hear?'" Spencer silently cursed at himself. He had promised himself he would try to act normal, whatever that was, and not recite random facts tonight.

She didn't act surprised at all at his ramblings. "I have heard that. There are so many English words we use in our daily life that are based on the Greek language. My mom has been teaching me the roots and origins of words since before I could talk."

Just then the hostess came back and led them to their table. After they had been seated, she mentioned, "Grandpa said you work in the BAU."

Spencer was amazed, he knew Bob was going to tell her where he worked, but she sounded like she understood what the BAU was. "Yes, you've heard of it?"

She nodded, "You know that my dad was a cop and killed in the line of duty when I was 11, right?"

"Yes, I'm sorry. That must have been difficult"

"Thank you. It was a long time ago. It was mostly hard because everyone was afraid to talk to me about it, except his partner and my friend John, who was a rookie at the time and admired my dad. My mom was too upset and retreated into her work and books for a long time." She continued "When I was 13, my grandpa was working on his recovery and he moved back to Virginia from New York. We started to become very close. When I turned 16 and was able to drive, I would go out to his house at least once a week and he would talk about his old cases and we would read true crime books together. We read a few from former detectives, DEA agents, and FBI agents including David Rossi. Grandpa told me you work with him."

"Yes, he came back to the BAU over a year ago. Another senior agent, ahh," pausing for a second, "…left, and he came in to fill the empty spot. I've enjoyed working with him and we've become friends. I read all of his books before I even met him. It is interesting to see how different the BAU has become. With the help of the internet and a lot more funding for our unit, the BAU teams can tackle many more cases all over the country."

"I've read two of his books. I did find them fascinating. I read so many crime books with my grandpa and after hearing all of the stories from his days as a New York Detective; I became interested in law enforcement myself. But my mom would have killed me if I had gone that direction." She smiled and continued, "My grandpa suggested I look into Forensic Accounting. I've always been very good with numbers and that way I could play detective without scaring my mom or carrying a gun."

Spencer laughed. They hadn't even looked at the menu yet, but he was enjoying the conversation. "I understand why your mom would not want you in danger after what happened to your dad." She nodded and he continued, "Did you decide to work as a Forensic Accountant?"

"Yes, I had a dual major in Business with an emphasis in Accounting and in Criminal Justice at Georgetown University. Did you know my mom is an English Professor there? She teaches Ancient Greek Literature, not my favorite reading material."

Spencer was surprised again, "My mom was an English Professor also, she was a 15th-century Literature professor."

"You're lucky!" her smile shone all the way through to her eyes, "you must have had MUCH better bed time stories than me! Ancient Greek Literature mostly is inappropriate for a young girl. There are the Dramas – very depressing! The Comedies – mostly sexual overtures. Or the Mythology – pretty frightening for a 5 year old. But my mom loved it so much and was so excited to read it to me I never said anything. Every night when my dad was not working late, he would come in the room after her and read a nice story from Dr. Seuss or Richard Scary. He would try to balance out the heavy material, without telling my mom why he picked the stories he did. She thought that ALL literature should be shared with all ages. I agree with her in theory, but some of those stories would have been better left until I was at least 10."

"My mom did read a lot to me also, starting very young. I'm not surprised that it is a common trait with literature lovers. I did love her reading to me, but looking back some of her choices were unconventional for a young child. She read a huge variety of books, including Proust, medieval poetry, and even Geoffrey Chaucer's poem _The Parlement of Foules. _It's widely considered as the first Valentine's poem."

"I know that poem." She was laughing out loud, he wasn't sure if she was laughing at him or not. "I didn't read that until I was in 10th grade. Wow, you had some interesting bed time stories also." still laughing, "Maybe we should start a support group for children of literature professors, to help them deal with the flashbacks of story time."

Spencer didn't quite understand why she thought that was funny, but her laugh was infectious and he was glad she wasn't laughing at him. He had been the butt of many jokes about the novels he had read or had read to him as a child. He realized she was laughing at their shared experience, not the actual reading material.

"Your grandpa never mentioned what you or your mom did for a living. He talks proudly of you frequently, talking about you graduating from Georgetown and worried about you living alone, but not about your work."

"Most people think numbers, accounting, and paperwork are boring so I think he is just used to not mentioning it a lot," she answered.

"I love following a paper trail especially when it leads to an unsub. Oh, an unsub is…"

She finished his sentence "Unknown Subject. I remember that from the books. I liked that term, very compact and succinct."

When the waitress arrived, Spencer ordered for both of them. He had asked what she was having and if she would like a glass of wine with her meal. He saw Chelsea's eyes flash with concern when he had ordered both of them a glass of Merlot to accompany their dinner. He understood her concern and wished he had explained before he placed the order. He waited until the waitress had left and told her he had never had an issue with alcohol. Since he was old enough to drink he would only have one or two classes of wine or beer as a beverage with a meal. When he did go have a drink with friends at a bar, he never had more than two.

He had not touched any narcotic or any alcohol for the first four months when he had stopped using. One night he had gone out to dinner with the team and a few local Denver police after they had closed the case and it had been too late to head home. It had been a particularly hard day because although they caught the unsubs that were killing families during home invasions, they had also uncovered a foster home that they suspected was abusing children. They had contacted social services, but it was out of the control of the BAU and the local cops.

Everyone was handed a beer and Spencer took it when offered. He hadn't planned to drink it, but while talking and eating he had drunk half of it. It didn't give him any high or escape like the narcotic and he realized that it didn't make him crave anything else. He had done some research and found that for neurobiological reasons an addition to drugs generally shared the same traits as with alcohol, but not always. He knew it was rare, but there were not enough studies to get true statistics.

He had met her grandpa after he had been clean for 10 months and had already discovered that he could have a drink. Her grandpa had also seen instances when someone was able to have a drink without any repercussions, but that Spencer should keep it to a minimum and continue to monitor his reactions. After he had been clean for seven months, he had told each member of the team about his addition, both as part of the recovery and for them to help keep his back if he were to fall of the wagon. He thought he could do everything himself, without a structured program. When he had a few difficult months and had an overwhelming urge to escape, he had sought a program for help and met her grandpa.

The conversation after that was kept light. During dinner she told him after she graduated, she went to work for a large accounting firm for two years to get the experience needed to become a CPA. During that time she had taken night courses at Georgetown to get a certificate in Forensic Accounting. She had passed both the CPA exam and the FA exam to become a Certified Forensic Accountant two years ago when she was 24. Since then she had worked as an Independent Contractor for several banks, Merrill Lynch Securities, the Metro DC Police and the Virginia State Police. She had even helped another Forensic Accountant on two white-collar cases for the FBI and was an expert witness in both trials.

After they finished dinner Chelsea suggested they share a dessert. She was too full to eat an entire one but when she looked at the menu everything looked good. They decided to share a tiramisu and each had a cup of espresso, which they decided was appropriate in an Italian restaurant. "You like sugar." It was more of a statement than a question. Spencer had just poured three sugar packets in his small espresso and looked up to see her smiling. "Yeah," smiling back, "I get teased about it at work a lot. I like espresso really sweet, but usually I use two packets in my coffee. A few years ago I was not sleeping a lot and for a couple weeks I was using four or five packets to help keep awake. They haven't really let me forget it." Now she was laughing, but he could tell it was good-natured, not mean spirited.

After dinner they walked towards Chelsea's car on the street. Out of habit Chelsea quickly went around to the driver's side door, As soon as she did it, she regretted it. Tonight before the dinner she had arrived early like she always did on a blind date. She always looks for street parking near the restaurant and then circles and waits until a spot becomes available. When her date takes her to her car, she can get around to the driver's side and open the door. Nothing says don't touch me like being separated by 3,000 lbs of metal and cars whizzing behind you.

Chelsea almost said, "damn" out loud and thought about going back to the other side, but thought she might look even more insane that she already felt. She took a deep breath and calmly told Spencer she had a wonderful time. She asked if he would like to go to brunch with her at the Virginia Rifle Club if he was still in town on Sunday morning. He looked a bit confused and nodded, "Sure, if I'm in town." She smiled again and asked him to call her the next night if he thought he would be available. She would give him her address and the time of the reservation. She thanked him for dinner, again saying she had enjoyed herself, and told him she hoped to hear from him tomorrow night.

As Spencer walked to the subway station he was going over the events of the evening. She had smiled at him when he walked in, but she had looked a bit tense. Then he noticed that she caught a glimpse of his firearm and badge and she seemed to relax. In his experience most people have the opposite response. She had grown up with a dad and grandfather both cops and she had mentioned many of her friends were in law enforcement, so he was sure she was used to weapons, but relaxing was still an unusual response.

Overall she definitely was not what he expected. She was beautiful, but he had seen her photo and already knew that. She was actually prettier in real life than in photos. He guessed she was about 5'6" tall, but she looked taller wearing the 4" heels. She looked very athletic. Her grandfather had a photo of her jumping a hurdle in high school and he wondered if she still was a runner. Her hair was loose in a long and feminine style with soft waves. It was smoothly angled at her shoulders and framed her heart shaped face. She was obviously very intelligent and her job fascinated him. He liked going through paperwork to help find the answers to cases and she used numbers to locate fraud, embezzlers, and money laundering schemes, something most people would hate. Morgan was always annoyed while following a paper trail and loved giving Spencer a hard time when he enjoyed it.

He had been very nervous about meeting her and thought they would sit down; order right away and she would be ready to leave as she took the last bite. But she was in no hurry to look at the menu and they had talked for over 20 minutes before they even placed their order. Then she had suggested sharing a dessert. He was glad because he was enjoying spending time with her.

Chelsea knew a lot about him, mostly because he had asked Bob to tell her everything hoping she would refuse to go out with him. They talked a lot about her past and family and he found himself asking questions and curious about her. A few times he caught himself starting to rattle off facts and would stop mid-sentence, but she encouraged him to continue. She really seemed to be interested in what he was saying. He wondered if her mother did that also and she was used to learning abstract facts all her life.

He had learned a lot about her in one evening. She loved numbers, but didn't want to be cooped up in an office by herself all day. Working as an independent contractor with many different clients gave her the freedom to schedule her own work day while still using her number and detective skills to solve what she called financial mysteries. He was intrigued that she had worked on two FBI cases and had a low level clearance because of it. Most of the FAs that the FBI uses are much older and have years of experience. She explained that she had been at the right place at the right time for that to occur.

Last January she had been working on an Insider Trading Case for Merrill Lynch. The SEC had been investigating one of the Vice Presidents and Merrill Lynch had hired her for their own internal investigation. The FBI White Collar division had sent one of their FAs to find out if it was a case that should be federally prosecuted. Frank White the FA they had sent had met with Chelsea to look over what she had discovered. He was impressed with her detailed work and even though this case was determined not to be a case for the FBI, Frank took her contact information in case he might need assistance in the future.

A month later he had called her to help with a case. It was an insurance fraud investigation that covered three states and the District of Columbia he had been working on for over six months. Recently during the investigation, Frank had discovered a new defendant was a past client of his and needed to step down because of the conflict of interest. All of the other FBI FA agents were involved in cases and this trial was scheduled in Federal Court in two months. Frank had made arrangements with the FBI to transfer all of his notes to Chelsea and they had done a background check at that time. They had run a credit check, a criminal records check, contacted the accounting firm she had worked for, her family, friends, and several of her past professors. Everything had passed their inspection and she became the expert witness for the trial.

She had only actually testified in four cases since she became a FA. She had been in the courtroom 9 other times ready to testify, but at the last minute the case had settled and she was able to leave the courthouse without entering a courtroom. She was paid the same as an expert witness, if she testified or not, but it was always easier if the case settled. A trial lawyer had once told her that if an attorney makes his case strong enough to win at trial, it will settle nine out of ten times without the time and cost of the trial. On the other hand, if his case is not meticulously put together and ready for trial, nine times out of ten it will go to trial. She had used that as her motto when doing her investigation. Every time she looked into an allegation, she compiled her information as if it were going to be used in a trial.

Spencer felt the evening had gone very fast, but they had been in the restaurant for over 2 hours. They had walked chatting towards her car and when she darted to the far side he was surprised for a minute, but then realized she was trying to get away fast. Then he was truly surprised when she asked him out for Sunday. He had enjoyed their conversation and wanted to see her again, but decided it was a bad idea. It would only end poorly and it would be better to pretend he was out on a case if he was still around the next night.


	6. Chapter 6

On Saturday night, when Spencer called Chelsea, he had decided not to go to brunch with her. When she answered her phone, she said hi and asked about his day and if he had been called on a case. The conversation was again pleasant and despite planning to say he was out of town, he was getting her address and agreeing to pick her up at 8:45 the next morning.

Her apartment was a nice recently built glass building, with a security guard/door man behind a glass and silver desk. Spencer had phoned Chelsea when he left his apartment and she was waiting out front for him. He was slightly embarrassed about his car; it was a 1965 Volvo Amazon P130 122S and although it was very clean and in good running order he was sure it wasn't the type of car she was used to driving in. He was trying to think of something to say when she jumped in and said, "Cool car! I love classic old cars especially when they are so well taken care of." She rubbed her hand across the dash. "Have any of my grandpa's friends seen it? He told me you play poker occasionally with them. I know a few of them would try and buy it from you."

He didn't know why, but felt much better when she started talking. He usually didn't care what people thought about him. "Yes, Don Walton had made an offer a couple of times, but I assumed he was joking."

They made light conversation on the way to the rifle club. Spencer had been there once before with Bob for brunch and he had been invited a few other times. A large number of both active and retired officers were members of the club and Spencer had met many of them. "How long have you been a member of the rifle club?" Spencer asked.

"My grandpa signed me up as a junior member when I was 18. We didn't tell my mom for a couple of years. We weren't sure how she would take me refreshing my firearm skills."

"Refreshing?"

"My dad taught me how to hold, clean and assemble his service and his ankle revolvers when I was 5. He felt that everyone that lived in a house with a weapon should understand how to use it and how dangerous it can be. Of course he kept it locked up when at home, but he wore it everyday and didn't want to take the chance of me getting curious and check it out without him knowing.

He took me out to shoot at targets when I turned 7. Actually, I had a pretty good aim by the time I was 11." She sounded much more serious than usual. "I hadn't touched a firearm since my dad died. After that my mom had all of the weapons removed from the house. My grandpa decided it was time for me to pick up where I left off. He said I had so many friends in one type of law enforcement or another, it may come in handy one day."

As they pulled into the parking lot, she noticed Spencer looked confused. She continued as they walked to the restaurant, "He didn't think I would need it AGAINST my friends. He was just afraid that if someone that had been arrested then released from prison targeted one of my friends while I was with them, I might need to protect myself. Just as a precaution from an over protective grandpa. Did you know that was how my dad died? He was shot in the back of the head by a drug dealer he had put away."

"No, your grandpa had only told me he was killed in the line of duty on a domestic violence case and that it was the catalyst that started his substance abuse."

Spencer finished his comment as they walked in the door and were greeted by Bob and three of his friends. They had just finished eating and were waiting to see Chelsea and Spencer before they left. John, whom Spencer had not seen for several months, picked Chelsea up and swung her around calling her little squirt. After he put Chelsea down he reached over and shook Spencer's hand telling him it was good to see him.

Chelsea said a quick hi to her grandpa and his other friends then took Spencer by the hand and headed towards the hostess. Chelsea was embarrassed and her checks were flushed a deep pink "I'm so sorry," she stammered, "it seems like you know my friend John?"

Spencer nodded and said that they had met several times playing poker and he had seen him at a barbeque at her grandfather's house. He didn't mention their conversation at the firing range last September. Spencer continued, "He has always been very nice and we even talked quite a lot at a football party last fall."

Chelsea laughed as they were walking to their table, "You don't seem like the football type." Her face was loosing the pink hue.

Spencer nodded and grinned, "Your grandpa invited me to several Red Skin parties last year, but I was able to get out of most of them because of work. One Sunday in October, he had talked to me on Friday night, he knew I wasn't gone and he can be very persistent." He continued over Chelsea's laughter. "I planned to go just for a half an hour, but I ended up staying for all of the game and having dinner with them. I was talking to John and told him I was thinking of leaving because I wasn't interested in watching the game, but he told me that many didn't watch the game, or very little of it. They just used it as an excuse to get together. He told me to watch how few constantly watched the game. I ended up staying and having a good time. Although I didn't tell anyone that a lot of the fun I had was observing the crowd watch, and not watch, the game."

They both decided to order the buffet breakfast. They watched as the chef made them fresh omelets and both served themselves fruit, breakfast potatoes, and a muffin.

After they were back at the table and both were served coffee and orange juice, Chelsea seemed serious and told Spencer that she is really happy with the job that the BAU does, but not for the reason most people would think.

Spencer looked up at her as she continued, "Of course, I am happy that you are able to stop a serial killer and save a victim whenever possible. But when you catch the unsub, you also solve many cold cases."

"I told you earlier that a paroled felon was the person that killed my dad" Chelsea recounted the story of her dad's murder and the investigation all the way to trial. "My dad arrested Stan Douglas for aggravated assault, weapon possession, and intent to sell narcotics to a minor. After some plea-bargaining, he was sent to jail for 10 years. He served 6 years and was released on good behavior. Looking back, they now know he spent the next year planning my dad's murder. He had changed his name, had fake IDs made, died his hair, grew a beard and started a new life only 10 miles away."

"During that year he had also followed my dad and stole a police radio scanner to keep track of him. On the day of my dad's murder, he called his brother for the first time in a year and asked him for a ride. The brother told the police that he sat and listened to the police scanner but wouldn't tell him what he was listening for. They sat for over 6 hours waiting for something but his brother swears he didn't know what they were waiting for."

"At about 4:40 pm near the end of my dad's shift a call came in for a domestic dispute at an apartment on 21st street. My dad's partner, Tony Noble, told me that they both knew the address because the couple that lived there was consistently disturbing the neighbors with their verbal and physical abuse of each other. No officer ever went into that apartment without backup. The couple had broken various bones of officers who had responded to the disturbance in the past. My dad had radioed in that they were in the area and responding to the call."

Spencer listed to the story in silence. "When they arrived, he acknowledged to dispatch that they were at the scene waiting for backup. Both my dad and Tony were outside the car looking up at the window where they could hear the fight. My dad was on the driver's side leaning on the car and Tony was on the curb looking straight up when a squeal of tires came from behind them. They both turned just in time to see the passenger of a vehicle lean out of the window and shoot my dad in the head and continue down the street. Tony recognized the man as Stan Douglas and ran around the car to see if he could help my dad. The backup for the domestic disturbance arrived just then and Tony sent them after the vehicle as he called 911."

"Stan jumped out of his brother's car the next block over and ran through an ally. The police cruiser called it in and stayed with the vehicle. They were able to apprehend Stan's brother, but Stan disappeared. They later found a stolen car from that neighborhood at a strip mall where another car was stolen. The video from that strip mall showed Stan stealing the car and they were able to track that car to a bus station in Maryland. The bus station surveillance picked Stan up walking away from the station and they lost all track of him after that."

She sounded sad as she continued, "The police had questioned Stan's brother and arrested him as an accessory to murder, but Stan had not contacted him for the last year and the brother was not able to help at all, even to save his own skin. He was set up by his brother to take the fall and he was sent to prison for 5 years. After my dad answered the call for the domestic dispute, Stan had his brother drive to 21st street and wait. After they saw my dad get out of the car, Stan had instructed his brother to drive by him. He swore over and over he didn't know what Stan had planned. After that all leads went nowhere and after 5 months the official investigation was concluded."

"Because my dad was a cop, the investigation really never was closed. Although no more official resources were used and no one actually had the case file on their desk, Stan's wanted photo was up on every police station bulletin board in DC, Virginia and Maryland. The murder of a cop is just different, it's one of their own and they take it very personally."

She went on to tell of the day nine months after her dad's murder, two Alexandria, Virginia officers brought in a suspect for beating a prostitute near to death. While he was in the station being officially placed under arrest, he saw Stan's wanted poster. He pointed to the poster and asked if they were still looking for that guy. He told them he knew where he worked and wanted to know if that could help his case. He told them that the guy on the poster was the private room host at The Miramar Club near old town Alexandria. The officers locked him up in a holding cell and told him if his lead panned out they would make him an offer.

She looked straight at Spencer. "He was right; Stan was working under the name Tom Grand and was the bouncer and host of the VIP room at the club. The job looked legit, but he really was a personal assistant and bodyguard to Antonio Deacon."

Spencer was surprised and repeated "Antonio Deacon."

Chelsea nodded, "Yes, he's almost a celebrity in the drug world isn't he?"

He nodded "Do you know how they connected?"

"No one is positive, but he was in the same cell block as Jake Durning." Spencer nodded as acknowledgement. "Stan taking Jake's position can't have been a coincidence. No one was able to find a solid link between the two, but there had to be a connection. All of his paperwork, Social Security Card, driver's license and even credit cards looked legit. The cops went to the club that night and they arrested him for suspicion of an officer's murder. He was sentenced to life without parole."

"The next morning was a Saturday and Tony came by to pick me up at my house. He had called my mom very late the night before, after I was in bed, and told her they had caught Stan. Tony wanted to tell me personally and my mom agreed. At 8:00 am Tony came by and picked me up and drove me to the Alexandria station. On the way he told me what had happened and how they had arrested Stan Douglas. When we arrived at the station, he introduced me to the two cops that had listened to the suspect and had arrested Stan. I was so happy I ran and hugged both of them. What I remember most about that day besides the good news Tony told me was the reaction of the cops. As I approached them their first reaction was to protect their weapon," she smiled at the memory, "inherent training of anyone with a firearm I suppose, and then the fact that they both were generally surprised and happy at my reaction."

"I was immediately relieved that the man that killed my dad was no longer on the street having fun and living the life my dad could no longer have. I had always wanted that and every day hoped they would catch him. My mom had always told Tony and me that she didn't care; catching the guy wouldn't bring back my dad. I know she was correct about that, but I really hated the fact the guy was free and couldn't understand how she was OK with it."

Spencer was taking in the whole conversation and said, "We do have many relatives of victims that tell us that. They just want to get on with their lives."

"I understand that, but within days of Stan's arrest my mom started to act the way she did before my dad's death. It had been 9 months so I'm sure that time passing had something to do with it, but I really think subconsciously she had been holding in the anger at Stan still living as a free man. Saying she didn't care was a way of coping with the fact that he may never be caught."

She turned her attention back to Spencer. "Every time you catch a serial killer, you solve the cold case of every past victim you are able to attach to him. You are probably long gone from the city before most of the families even hear about their loved ones, and you never get a hug from the 11 year old girl that is thankful for your work. But from personal experience I can tell you that to hear that the person that killed your loved one is either captured or killed is a huge weight lifted from their lives. Even the family members that don't think they care, like my mom, really do."

"I've never really thought of it like that," Spencer acknowledged. "You're right, as soon as we have the suspect in custody; we are back on the jet headed home. Unless the past victims families have some evidence or information to help the investigation, we rarely even see them."

"When you are headed home, just remember that you make a huge difference in hundreds of people's lives that you are not even aware of. The sad fact is that if my dad had been a dockworker, a dry cleaner or a college professor, like many of the past victims of a serial killer, Stan would probably never have been apprehended unless he was caught in another crime. I love the thought that you and the rest of the BAU can help solve these poor victims' murders."

Spencer was silent for a minute. "Thank you. I will try to think of that. We spend a lot of time trying to get into the mind of the unsub, it is nice to think about how we might have made a small difference in the victim's families lives."

Spencer again was surprised how easy it was to talk to Chelsea and how much she understood about his job. They were chatting about some of his past cases as they finished their coffee and it was already noon. He was enjoying the company and really didn't want the day to end.

It seemed that Chelsea had the same thought and she suggested a walk around the grounds. The club had two firing ranges; one was a large indoor range in the basement under the restaurant and clubhouse. The other was an outside shooting area, mostly used for rifles. It was well contained with high chain length fences topped with barbed wire and tall thick hedges on both side of the fence. The club was surrounded on 3 sides by trees. That kept the firearm noise to a minimum. It was closed now for the winter. As they followed a trail past the range and a partially frozen river, Chelsea took Spencer's gloved hand in hers. It was warm enough in the sun to take the walk, but they both had on wool coats, scarves, hats and gloves.

She stopped on the trail to look at him. "Do you mind if I ask a personal question?"

He was sure he knew what she was about to ask. "About the Dilaudid?"

She nodded, "You had my grandpa tell me about it, but talking to you" she paused as if she were trying to say the right words "it doesn't really add up."

He started to walk again and she wasn't sure if he was going to answer. "I asked him to tell you all of that hoping it would persuade you not go on a blind date."

She laughed and he looked very confused at her reaction. "I've been set up on too many blind dates by my friends, my mom and now by my grandpa. He knew that no matter what you said, he would make sure I said yes. You said it yourself he is very persistent. I find it's easier to say yes to whatever he asks at first, rather and argue with him knowing I'm going to say yes later." She stopped laughing and looked at him seriously, "He should have told you that; instead of letting you disclose your personal life. I'm sorry. I can tell you some my blind date horror stories sometime if you're interested" She paused again and spoke so softly it was almost a whisper, "You don't need to talk about it."

They were still following the small stream and there was a bench with planters around it that looked like it would be a beautiful garden in the proper seasons. Spencer led her to the bench and told her he didn't mind talking about it. She already knew about the addiction, she might as well know the whole story. "It involves me being kidnapped and tortured. You should know that before I continue."

She met his eyes and nodded. He used one of his gloved hands to wipe the dampness off the bench and they sat down. He recounted the entire event starting with the group all having drinks and enjoying the evening of the Super Bowl at a local tavern. Then getting a call to go immediately to Atlanta for the brutal murder of a high profile couple.

He told her about the case and how one of the unsubs had called the police as the other one killed the couple. Chelsea listened quietly as he recounted all the details of his capture. He and JJ had gone out to interview Tobias Hinkle who they thought might be a witness. After they arrived, Spencer had figured out the witness was actually the unsub. He told Chelsea that his friend and partner JJ had felt it was her fault that he was taken, but actually it was his own fault.

It had been his idea for JJ and him to split up and go into the barn one from the front and one from the back. As he went around back, he had seen the unsub leave the barn and had followed him into the field.

He felt it was also his fault he was caught in the cornfield. JJ had been attacked by viscous dogs in the barn and was forced to shoot them. When he heard the shots he made the mistake of yelling out to her. He knew that from inside the barn she wouldn't be able to hear him, but he had panicked and yelled. That gave the unsub the opportunity to sneak up on him and hit him with a shovel. The unsub then shocked Spencer and started to talk to himself about what to do with him in different voices. He realized that he was suffering from a multiple personality syndrome and there was only one unsub, not two or three. There was no way to contact the team to let them know of his discovery.

He was knocked unconscious and taken to a cabin miles away. He told Chelsea about the fish guts, the father's beatings, Raphael's Russian roulette, and Tobias' administering the drug to help him deal with the situation. He was truthful that he had objected to the Dilaudid the first three injections, but after that it was sure he was going to die and the Dilaudid provided an escape from the horrors around him. She was horrified as he told her everything. She had tears in her eyes and caught her breath audibly a few times but otherwise stayed silent. Part way through the story she reached for his hand. He took it and held it tightly as he continued.

He told her that he had died and that after Tobias had revived him, he had figured out where he was being held. He smiled when he recounted the part of the story when he had chosen Hotch to die, because he had been sure Hotch would understand what he was telling him. He told her that Hotch was the best profiler he knew and a small detail that would be unnoticed by the unsub would be picked up by Hotch.

He was glad that he was able to help the team locate him especially since he felt his capture had been his fault, but after the three days of torture he couldn't wait for rescue anymore and had done what the unsub wanted and confessed his sins. He told Chelsea that everyone has a breaking point and he had hit his.

The turn of events after that had surprised him. The team had shown up and distracted the unsub for a minute, long enough for Spencer to pick up the gun. It only had one bullet in it, but luck had been on his side and it was in the chamber. Just as the team arrived he had killed Tobias' father's personality in self-defense.

He told her everything except the visions of his mom. She didn't know about the schizophrenia and he had talked enough for the day. He did tell her that he had taken the rest of the Dilaudid planning to detox himself, but had still wanted to escape and had continued to use. He even detailed his near arrest, final decision to quit and the two cases that had brought him to AA and how he had met her grandfather.


	7. Chapter 7

After Spencer had finished telling her everything, she started to shiver. He looked at his watch and realized it was 3:30. They had been outside for over three hours walking, sitting and talking. The sun was setting below the tree line and any warmth they had felt from the clear day was now gone. He apologized that he wasn't thinking about how cold she was. She told him, she was so engrossed in the conversation that she hadn't noticed until just now.

They walked quickly back to the car and he turned on the heat. "One of the best features of a Volvo is their heating system. It gets very cold in Sweden." He was right, the car warmed up very quickly and she was pulling off her hat, scarf and gloves in no time.

By the time they were back in the city, she mentioned she was getting hungry again. He agreed it had been over 5 hours since they finished their food. They had lingered with coffee and then gone for the walk. At 4:15, it was after lunchtime and before dinnertime and most of the places that were open were coffee shops. Chelsea had enjoyed the quiet day she had spent with Spencer and preferred not to go to a noisy coffee shop. "There is a great deli in my building if a sandwich is OK with you. We can take it upstairs to my apartment to eat. I have plenty of drinks and some fruit there."

Spencer liked the idea of seeing her apartment. The furnishings and surroundings can tell a lot about a person. He nodded his agreement and headed towards her place. When they arrived, she led them towards the back to the underground parking structure's entrance. She told him that when she purchased her unit after college, she had a roommate that helped her pay the mortgage. She had negotiated two parking spots in the deal, so the roommate would be able to have parking included in her rent. The second spot was always open unless her mom or grandpa came over or she had an out of town friend from college visit.

The parking lot had a key card entrance and cameras located at the entrance. There were also cameras on every parking level that could be viewed by the security guard in the lobby. The elevators led only to the lobby and you needed to go by the security desk to go up to the apartments. Spencer was impressed with the security here. Although no system is full proof, this would stop all but the most determined criminal. Chelsea motioned towards the deli at the far end of the lobby. There was a glass wall between the two rooms with one entrance from the lobby of her building. The main entrance to the deli was on the street.

She had noticed him checking out all of the cameras and said "My grandpa was happy I chose this building when I was shopping for my own place. He approved of the security. He didn't know about my stalker, but that was one of the main reasons I liked this place."

"Stalker?" Spencer was shocked at the casual mention of one.

"I'll tell you later," she walked towards the counter. Spencer was still thinking about her having a stalker when a loud voice boomed "Chelsea!" He turned his attention to a very fit Italian man that looked to be in his late 50s wearing a white apron over a polo shirt and jeans heading towards the counter from the back room. "What can I get you?"

Then noticing Spencer he continued. "…and your friend." Just then his eyes caught Spencer's gun and badge and he asked, "You a detective?"

The whole situation stunned Spencer, but he recovered quickly and shook the extended hand while Chelsea introduced him. "No, this is Dr. Spencer Reid, he is a profiler with the BAU at the FBI. Spencer, this is my friend Frank Bassi."

"Cool, the BAU. Welcome to my deli." Turning towards Chelsea, "Little Franky would love to met him."

Chelsea nodded and explained to Spencer that Franky, Frank's son just finished the academy and was a rookie with the Virginia State Troopers. She continued that all of Frank's family has been in law enforcement since his great-grandfather came over from the Basilicata region of southern Italy. "Yep, I'm the black sheep of the family" he looked amused by the whole conversation and continued. "My dad was a DC cop and my twin brother and I both went to the DC Police Academy after two years at a junior college. After graduation he became a cop in DC also, but I quit and followed my dream of owning a deli."

"Frank was the first one here to recognize that I had a stalker when I moved in and told me I could call him for protection any time I needed it."

"Yeah, weird little fellow was always hanging out across the street and when Chelsea would come down he'd get very agitated. I told her to call the police, but she refused. I have a license to carry a concealed weapon, so I gave her my number because I could be at her door or car much faster than 911. Fortunately, he stopped hanging around."

Spencer was surprised she refused to call the police with all of her connections, but he could tell by her look that she didn't want to talk about it right now so he kept quiet.

Frank asked what they would like and they both ordered. When Spencer tried to pay, she told him that she had a line of credit here and it was taken care of. Spencer was upset because he was unable to pay for the brunch also. The Virginia Rifle Club didn't accept money; you had to charge it to your membership. He was uncomfortable with her paying for both of their meals that day. He also was not comfortable to argue about it in the deli full of patrons and kind of glared at her while putting away his wallet. She looked like she read his mind when she stifled a laugh.

Frank started to put the sandwiches and potato and pasta salads they had ordered on a tray. Chelsea stopped him and told him it was to go, they were taking it upstairs. Frank raised his eyebrows at Spencer and said, "You must be pretty special, she never lets any men up there. Not once since I've known her, except of course her grandpa."

For the second time that day, Chelsea's face turned bright pink. This time it was Spencer's turn to stifle a laugh.

As they entered the sparkling clean mirrored and silver elevator to go up to her fifth floor apartment, she looked a bit embarrassed, "It's true, I don't invite guys up to my place. I've never wanted to spend enough time with anyone or to get to know them enough to feel comfortable bringing them up here" she said as the door opened on her floor. Perfect timing, as he did not know what to say just then.

They walked out onto a small bright landing. The wall in front of them was glass from floor to ceiling and behind them was the elevator. On either side of them was a door leading to an apartment. He asked "Are the two apartments on this floor identical to each other?"

"Yes, all the floors from the fifth to the tenth are two three-bedroom apartments all identical to this. Above that, the eleventh and twelfth floors are single penthouse apartments. Below us from the second to the fourth floor, there are four one-bedroom apartments on each floor. The outside wall around every floor is floor to ceiling glass. I think that was a design flaw that made these apartments more difficult to sell than they should have been. Even though there is a barrier there, many people even with a light acrophobia, can't bring themselves to live here because of the feeling of vertigo. This apartment had been vacant for over a year when I bought it."

She unlocked her door and they walked into a living space with a very homey feeling. There was not a lot of furniture, but it was all high end and in perfect condition. He noticed a large flat screen TV on one wall and on the same wall several feet over, a built in fireplace. From the rooms he could see, this was the only one that had curtains drawn.

She saw him looking at the room and mentioned that she kept the curtains drawn in that room both to make it easier to see the TV and to keep the furniture from fading. The glass walls had a mirror like finish on the outside and were treated with many layers of a sun filtering protection, but over long exposure it still could fade things. In the other rooms, she wasn't worried about fading, but she loved both the couch and chair she had ordered for this room and didn't want them ruined.

They hung their coats on a rack by the door and headed back towards the dining area with adjoining kitchen. On the left side there was a granite countertop three-fourths across the entrance to the kitchen with four bar stools. The kitchen cabinets looked like a light stained Maple. There were waist high counters across the glass wall with a sink and dishwasher, making good use of the space. The wall opposite the bar stools was floor to ceiling cabinets for a pantry and storage. The refrigerator was on that wall also with the same wood finished panels to blend in. The stove, oven and microwave were on the wall opposite the windows. It was a compact space, but well planned.

Across from the bar stools was the formal dining area. She had a large glass table with two cream, black and burgundy marble pedestals holding it up. The eight dining chairs were high backed with deep burgundy damask fabric and black lacquer legs. It had a modern, but still homey feel. The two-sided fireplace was also in this room on the wall dividing the living and dining rooms.

Chelsea went to the black lacquered chest of drawers and pulled out two burgundy, pink, and green floral placemats with matching napkins. "The problem with a glass table, is that the plates rattle and make noise while you are eating if you don't use a placemat. I use placemats every time I eat here, even if it is only a snack while working on my laptop. I have my office to work in," she pointed to an interior room close to the entrance backed up to where Spencer knew was an identical room in the adjoining apartment. He could see a table type desk in the center of the room with a large wood bookshelf along the far wall. She continued, "But I enjoy looking at the view over the city while working and this table gives me lots of room to spread out the paperwork," as she set out the place settings.

She went to the kitchen and pulled out two plates, forks, spoons and knives and a couple of serving spoons for the salads. She handed them across the counter to Spencer who set the table while she pulled out a bowl of grapes and some berries and brought them to the table. "If you come to the refrigerator, you can see what I have to drink." She opened the refrigerator and he casually hung his long arm over the open door and leaned in to look as she spoke. "There is bottled water, Coke, and in the two pitchers are ice tea and lemonade. I think I'll have an Arnold Palmer, half ice tea with half lemonade."

Spencer said that sounded good to him also, but with more lemonade than tea and turned towards her. There faces were almost touching. He leaned forward to kiss her and she closed the distance. It was a sweet, soft, quick kiss. He leaned back and almost started to apologize, but stopped when she smiled at him he smiled back. She turned back to the refrigerator and pulled out the two pitchers. She set them on the counter and grabbed a couple of glasses. Motioning towards the freezer door, below the refrigerator she asked if he'd grab a few ice cubes for each glass. She poured the drinks, both with more lemonade than ice tea, handed him one and they went to the table for their early dinner.


	8. Chapter 8

As they sat down to eat, he was still thinking about the kiss. He had shocked himself. As they started to eat, he asked her about the stalker. She started by telling him she had only had two boyfriends. She really hadn't dated a lot of guys and she had made a bad choice while at college.

Her first boyfriend, Eric Stiller, had been more of a friend than anything else. They had mostly spent their time studying. They had many of the same AP and Honors courses and studying together made it more interesting. Their final semester they had become closer and had gone to the Winter Formal and Prom together as real boyfriend and girlfriend.

Eric's parents could easily afford any university that he wanted to attend, but he wanted to get a full scholarship to Stanford. He did not want to rely on his parents. He had accomplished his goal and a few months after graduation had moved to California. They both knew it would end after high school. They didn't want to try a long distance relationship at 17 years old. It was still sad for both of them when he left; it was like losing a best friend. Although they had kept in contact by email and FaceBook, they had not seen each other since he left. He was now married and had a 1-year-old son.

When she started at Georgetown she had not planned to date anyone. She was taking more than a full load because even with AP credits it would take extra courses every semester to graduate with a dual major in four years. Russ Martin was a TA for one of her sociology classes the second semester of her junior year. He talked to her after many of the classes and a few months into the semester he had offered to take her to lunch at the end of class. He seemed pleasant enough and she enjoyed the class and thought it might be fun to talk about the class topics in depth.

He was studying for a Doctorate in Psychology and was working on campus as a TA as a condition of his scholarship. Because she really hadn't dated a lot she was a bit naive and didn't think about the time they spent together as dates. It was always a casual lunch or coffee after class. That summer Chelsea had taken 2 business courses and bumped into Russ at least once per week in the eight-week semester. Looking back, he had known her schedule and had planned their accidental meetings, but she hadn't thought much about it at the time. She knew he was taking one summer class himself and worked on campus.

The next fall he was again a TA for one of her classes. This time a Psychology course and she thought his insight, as a future Physiatrist would be interesting. Again they went out occasionally for coffee or lunch and he had asked her to attend a banquet for an honors association of which he was a member. After that he had started to ask her out more frequently. He was a nice person, but she wasn't interested really in dating anyone and she really didn't feel any chemistry with him. He wouldn't take no for an answer. He was still the TA for one of her courses and she had to see him twice a week in class.

At Christmas he invited himself to the annual Christmas Eve party at her mother's house. She had mentioned it once and he remembered and decided they were a couple so he would be going with her. She wasn't physically afraid of him, but the grades from the semester had not all been posted yet and she was beginning to feel that he could cause her problems if she didn't comply. Many of the guests at her mom's party are academics and he fit in with the crowd. People thought he was interesting. He could really be charming and by then she knew he could manipulate people.

She made arrangements to go with a high school friend to her family's home in Boston over New Year's and stayed with them another week until the new semester started. Russ had called her almost everyday, but fortunately there were many miles between them and he had to continue working on the Georgetown campus over the break to keep his scholarship. She had no proof that he would hold up her grades and she couldn't go to the administration and say that a TA was being too nice to her. She realized that he was a Psychology major and knew just what to say and do and if reported it would make her look like the crazy one.

During her final half of her senior year, for the third semester in a row, he was the TA for one of her classes. She took either five or six classes every semester; half for her Criminal Justice degree and many of the required classes were in the sociology and psychology area. She continued to go out with him and he called himself her boyfriend to everyone at school. She truly felt he would have messed up the grade in that class causing her not to be able to graduate if she did not go along with his fantasy.

She looked at Spencer, "Maybe there was something I could have done, but I really didn't want to look like a victim and I prefer to try and take care of my own problems. After graduation, I went with my grandpa on a trip to Italy to visit where our family had been originally from and we even looked up some distant relatives while we were there. We had talked about the trip for a long time, so it wasn't planned as a way to escape Russ, but we were gone for three weeks and all the grades were posted when we returned. He didn't have a hold on me any longer."

She continued, "I had been interviewing at several CPA firms and had received a job offer from two of them and one was flexible enough to allow me to go on the trip first. When grandpa and I came home, I started my new job and when I left my first day of work, he approached me in the parking lot. He knew I was going away with my grandpa so he hadn't called for a couple of weeks, but when I returned there were 20 messages on my cell phone from him over the last four days. My cell services didn't work overseas and I had left it at home. I went to get dinner after work with him and told him I didn't want to see him any longer, but he didn't seem to understand. He continued to call and ask me out. I saw him when I left my mom's house in the morning; I was still living there at the time. I would see him after work. It really was creepy."

She went on with how she had decided it was time to get her own place and had been looking at several places before she left for Italy and again when she returned. Her parents had set up a college fund for her when she was young and a large life insurance policy was deposited in that account after her dad died. Her mom worked at the university so her tuition was almost half of the normal fee. Because of her grades she received a large scholarship. She lived at home and only had to pay for books and personal items like her car and insurance.

"After graduation, my mother turned the college fund over to me. She was a great researcher and always found the best people to help her with things she felt she could not do herself. She had found a Securities Broker to manage my account and it had grown into a nice sum by the time I had graduated. I used a large portion of the fund for a down payment on this place." Chelsea looked around as she continued. "I mentioned earlier the apartment had been vacant for over a year. The seller was getting desperate to sell and had lowered the price considerably. I had a friend, JoAnn Johnston, which graduated from Georgetown the year before me, lined up as a roommate. I had started at the accounting firm so with the large down payment, financial assistance from a roommate and my job, I was eligible for a good rate on the mortgage. As a graduation and house-warming gift, my mom and grandpa helped get my bedroom set and I purchased the living and dining room furniture. My roommate furnished her own room and my office was empty. I was really excited because I was a first time homeowner."

She almost looked ashamed when she said, "I never told my mom, grandpa or most of my friends about Russ. I had to tell JoAnn because it might affect her and I told two of my close friends that weren't cops so I had someone to vent to when necessary. I was really hoping he would just get tired of me and leave. As you know, this building is not easy to get into and I let the security guards know not to let him in. I am fully aware how dangerous a stalker can get, but I was certain that he would not get violent if not provoked. I was afraid that if I had told my grandpa, John and other cop friends that they would start to harass him. No one would do anything illegal but I was sure that all of them would approach him and ask him to stop. I think having one cop tell him to lay off would be enough, but I bet all of my friends would have approached him and that might make thing worse."

"Plus, you know how cops can get." Again she was looking directly at Spencer. "If they saw him loitering they would give him a ticket. If he were going three miles over the speed limit, they would pull him over. I know that none of my friends would do anything illegal, but there is slight harassment within the limits of the law and if ten cops in both Virginia and DC were doing this, things could easily have escalated. I may have been over paranoid, but I thought ignoring him and living in this secure building and working in another secure building would keep me protected."

"He fully stalked me for the entire summer. His class load was light and he had more time I guess. Once school started, I saw him less often, but he would still leave me messages on my phone, notes on my car when I was at work and he would occasionally send me flowers. I was extremely careful and with my family upbringing I knew how to make sure I was not anywhere he could get me alone. The entire thing lasted almost 9 months from after I returned from Italy in June through the following March."

Spencer had been quiet for the entire story, but he was shocked "9 months? And it didn't escalate to anything else?"

She shook her head, "No, it seemed to calm down around Thanksgiving so I thought it was over and I spent the long weekend at my grandpa's house. But on Christmas Eve he showed up at my mom's party again. I was terribly upset and managed to get him outside not far from the door. I let my roommate know what was happening. She was staying with my mom and I for a few days. Her parents live in Oregon and she didn't have enough time off to go home. Her boyfriend was a Marine and deployed in Afghanistan so she was happy to have a place to go for the holiday."

"I told him he should leave and he refused. He had enjoyed talking to all of the professors at last year's party and was sure they would all be happy to see him again. I then played my best card that I had been holding since this all started. I reminded him that not only were there many academics at the party; the house was also full of police officers. If I was to ask him to leave and he refused in front of all of them, what did he think would be the outcome?"

"He stared at the house for several minutes before he turned around and left without saying anything. JoAnn came out to see if I was OK. Looking back on that moment is really one of the funniest things ever. I took JoAnn's arm and as we started back to the house I told her that I was giving up on men completely. I never wanted to date another man in my life." She started to laugh, "That comment was obviously just in frustration to the current situation and I didn't think about anyone hearing me say it."

As she continued to tell the story, even Spencer had to laugh. "One of the girls from my neighborhood that never really liked me heard that and started to tell everyone for the next 2 years that I was a lesbian and dating my roommate JoAnn. No one told me that to my face or to my mom's face. I really did not date anyone for a long time. At first I was afraid that if I dated anyone, Russ might take it out on him. I told my family I was not dating because I was too busy with my new job and taking the night classes. That actually was true and I had no interest in dating, but that didn't mean I had no interest in men."

Her conversation turned serious again. "After that Christmas confrontation I hoped Russ would finally stop following me. I was away with friends for New Year's and he continued to show up at my apartment or work about once a week in January. At Valentine's Day, he sent me a dozen long stem red roses. That was the most he had done for a while and I was afraid that he was going to escalate again and I would need to report him. But I didn't see him again for over a week. I had gone out to lunch with John and he was in his full uniform. I didn't even see Russ until we were leaving the restaurant and fortunately John didn't see him at all. I only saw him 2 more times in February and then on March 2nd. After that he just stopped. I don't know if he found someone else or he was afraid of my friends and seeing me with John in uniform scared him. I was just glad it was over. I will always remember the date, March 2nd. It's one of those things that stay with you."

"The next year, JoAnn went home to see her family at Christmas and I went to my mom's by myself. The following year I again took JoAnn to the party and that's when I found out the rumors about JoAnn and me. By that time she was engaged and her fiancé was scheduled to come home in February for good. He had a job lined up in New York and she was moving there with him. I was making enough money by that time to live by myself, although at first it was very lonely without her around. We tried to clear up the rumors, but I think many of them still believe it since I never take a date to my mom's party. I don't really care and fortunately both my mom and grandpa think it's kind of funny."

"Another funny thing was that I had really had been on a few dates that year before the party." she paused, and said, "with men." Spencer laughed at that also. I had passed my CPA and my FA exams and JoAnn had taken me out to celebrate. We went with a group of friends from advertising agency where she worked. I didn't know it, but she was setting me up with one of the guys. We went out one more time by ourselves, but never after that."

"JoAnn set me up again with a friend of hers from high school, that didn't go well at all. He got drunk on our first date. Fortunately I had met him at the restaurant, so I could drive myself home, but I didn't feel right leaving him there. I talked to the restaurant manager and he helped me convince him to take a cab home. The manager didn't want a guy out on the street drunk after leaving his restaurant any more than I wanted him driving around possibly hurting someone."

They had finished the meal and Spencer helped her clear the table, taking the empty plates and glasses to the sink and she put the left over fruit and salads in the refrigerator. He offered to help with the dishes, but she told him she would put them in the dishwasher later. They went to sit in the living room and she finished her story.

"After my mom heard I was dating again, she started setting me up with professors and researchers from the university. Many of the guys were way too old for me and many were absolute bores. The bores were very intelligent, but only on one subject. I spent 3 hours with a guy that works on Oncology drug research. I bet I know more about cancer drugs now than almost anyone in the world outside of a researcher." Spencer couldn't help but laugh at her expression. She looked absolutely annoyed just thinking about the night.

She continued, "They weren't all bad. She did set me up with a very nice professor of Astronomy. He really did know more about things than just Astronomy, he was interested in literature and history, but he did talk mostly about the stars. I was interested in what he talked about and we went out three more times. We went to dinner again, and then he invited me as his guest to the Smithsonian's National Air and Space Museum private party to announce the building of a new observatory." She stopped and spoke directly to Spencer, "The observatory is scheduled to open later this year and I really would like to see it."

"That night the private party was really fun and interesting. He was twelve years older than me and on our next date was starting to talk about settling down and wanting kids. I thought he was a nice guy and he was entertaining, but I didn't like him that much and I certainly wasn't ready for a family."

"My mom continued to set me up with dates, then my friends from college as well as friends from work started to contact me about a guy they wanted me to meet. It almost became a joke. One of my old college friends set me up to go out with a guy to a fraternity party. I was 24; I just started my own business and owned my home, what would make her think I would have anything in common with a 22 year old that lives in a Fraternity House?" Again Spencer couldn't help but laugh at her comments. He wondered why she continued to say yes to all of these dates.

She told him about several other nights out and that she had a good time on a few of the dates and she continued to go because she really didn't go out much otherwise. She told him about how she parked on the street and runs around the car to keep her distance. She apologized to him for when she had done it the other night. She said it was such a habit that she had done it before she thought and was really sorry that she had sent him mixed signals. She really was interested in seeing him again so that's why she had asked him to brunch.

Looking a bit shy she said, "I have a confession. After I heard about your IQ, I was afraid you would be one of the one-topic type of dates. As much as I love a good mystery and am fascinated by what the BAU does, the thought of an entire conversation for several hours over dinner about serial murders and the details of them didn't sound very pleasant."

He couldn't help but laugh. "I rarely talk about cases with people unless they ask. In my experience, most people don't what to know the type of monsters that are out there. Your grandpa and his friends do seem interested and I've talked to them about many of the unsubs we have caught over the years, but that group is the exception."

"I am interested in hearing some of it. Like I've told you, I've read many true crime dramas with my grandpa and do find it fascinating, just not what I would ONLY want to talk about."

When she had finished, he looked at his watch and stood up. He started towards the door and said he needed to get home and do a few things before work the next day. She told him she was really glad to have met him this weekend and she was glad he hadn't been called on a case.

He thanked her for both brunch and the sandwiches but he did mention that he was not comfortable with the fact that she had paid for both of their meals today. She laughed and told him "I was the one that asked you to brunch and I suggested we eat sandwiches here. It was only fitting that I paid for the meals."

He nodded although she could tell he still was not really happy about it and said, "Next time I will have to make sure I ask you out and then I will pay for dinner." He was again surprised at himself. He had just told her he wanted to take her out again. He was hoping that she wanted the same as she replied, "I'd like that."

He grabbed his coat and scarf, threw them over his arm and stopped at the door. Facing her he smiled and was thinking about how to approach her to kiss her, as she came close and put her arms around his neck and she spoke very softly. "I hope you will text me when you leave for a case and come back home. I'd like to know when you are away and when you are safe."

He nodded and answered her with a kiss. Her lips were soft and inviting and he felt his heart beating faster as the kiss deepened. He was happy and felt very comfortable with his arms around her waist. He was sad when it ended and he opened the door. As he left, she smiled and said, "Be safe."


	9. Chapter 9

Spencer called her from home the next night to let her know he had not been called on a case. He asked her out for the next night, explaining that he could be called away and may have to cancel. She told him she understood that could happen every time and he didn't have to explain or apologize for that, ever. She just would appreciate if he would text her when he was called away.

They continued to talk on the phone and see each other frequently. He did not tell his team about their relationship. They knew everything about him. He had not been able to keep any of his private live from them. They knew about his mother's illness, they watched him being tortured and knew about the Dilaudid, they even knew that because he had graduated at age 12 he had been tormented all through school. He wanted to keep a little piece of his life to himself.

Chelsea was fine with that. She would have loved to meet every member of his team, but she understood that he wanted to keep his private life private for now. They had become close and gone out together several times a week. When he kissed her good night, she would always tell him to "Be safe." when he left.

The BAU was only called on few cases during January and early February. On January 12th, the team was sent to Sarasota, Florida to help catch a killer that was raping and murdering young girls. The unsub alternated between black and white girls and the police were having a difficult time catching him. Spencer was called during the day while he was at work, so he slipped away to the restroom to text Chelsea he was leaving on a case. She texted back, "Thanks. Be safe."

After they caught the two unsubs in Sarasota he had been home for another week. Chelsea and Spencer had been out for an early dinner on the 21st when he received a call from Prentiss that he needed to report immediately to the airfield. There was a missing child and they needed to get to Alabama as fast as possible. Chelsea could tell from Spencer's half of the conversation that he had to leave right then. She told him to go; she would take care of the check and get a taxi home. He was torn between staying to get her home and getting to the jet as soon as possible, but Chelsea's expression convinced him she understood he needed to leave.

Chelsea told Spencer that she would never call or text him while working unless it was a real emergency. She told him that there was no way of knowing if he was in a meeting with the team about a case, giving a profile, working on a geographic profile or entering the residence of an unsub with his gun drawn. She never wanted to put him or the team at risk. Spencer promised to keep her informed went he left on a case. He called her every night when he went to bed in the hotel room when he was out of town. She had convinced him that she didn't care what time it was, even if it was very early in the morning, she liked to know he was back in the hotel and safe.

They mostly went out to dinner when they went out. But one time she talked him into going to the current romantic comedy that was running at the Cineplex. Some of the current culture jokes went over his head, and he thought the entire storyline was unrealistic, but for the most part he had enjoyed it. He took her to the used bookstore he frequented. She loved the smell of old books and was surprised that her mom had never brought her to this particular shop. The owner knew Spencer and showed him several titles that had just arrived from an estate sale. They had spent several hours wandering through the isles and both had purchased a few titles.

One day in early February, Spencer called really excited. They were showing all six Star Wars movies at the Old Cheaster Theater on Main in Alexandria. Episodes I, II and III were going to be shown on Saturday, February 7th and IV, V and VI on Sunday, February 8th. He had already purchased the tickets when he realized that he didn't know if she even liked the movies. She had enjoyed them when she saw them, but she hadn't seen them in quite a while and thought it would be an interesting weekend.

The shows were spread out throughout the day and all the staff at the theater dressed in costume. When they arrived, a line was forming and Chelsea thought she really had traveled to another planet. Many of the moviegoers were also dressed in costume from all six episodes. There were booths set up both inside and outside the theater selling memorabilia and Star Wars themed food items. She didn't remember seeing Spencer this excited before and she was glad to be a part of the weekend with him. Luck was on his side and he was not called out of town and was able to go to all six movies. They ate lunch between the first and second movies and dinner between the next on each day. By Sunday night after the shows, Chelsea was exhausted but had enjoyed every second with Spencer. He didn't seem tired at all and was like a little boy that went to the fair for the first time.

On Tuesday, the team was called to Washington state to investigate a missing girl. An embalmed body matching the same description had also been unearthed and the local police had asked for the BAUs help. Spencer was gone the rest of the week. When he arrived home early in the evening on Friday, he called to see if Chelsea was available to go to dinner. When she saw him, she asked her customary three questions. Did you catch the unsub? Were you able to save anyone? How many past victims were there? He was happy to tell her that not only had they caught the unsub, they had been able to find him before the latest victim had been killed. She was going to be fine, physically. This case has practically disturbed him.

Human nature still surprised him and finding two necrophiliacs in the same city had made him a little sick to his stomach. Gideon had once told him when the things unsubs do to people don't surprise him, and he becomes completely complaisant about it all, that's the time to get out. When he had told Chelsea of the case, she focused more on the fact they had saved a girl and brought peace to the families of the three other victims than on the unsub. She liked seeing the good they did and refused to dwell on the horrible things people were capable of doing. He apologized for the unpleasant dinner conversation. She told him to remember that not only had he saved the girl, the families of the other three victims would be sleeping easier also.

Chelsea had wanted to go to the Smithsonian with Spencer since she met him. She decided to change the distasteful subject and asked if he would be interested in going the National Museum of American History with her tomorrow. He said he'd love to, but most people hated going to any museum with him. Because of his memory, he knew much more information than presented and usually he annoyed everyone. She assured him she would not be annoyed, she loved history and would love to hear what he had to say.

He came by her apartment Saturday morning and they walked to the Metro station. Public transportation was the best method to get to the National Mall, the location of most of the Smithsonian buildings in DC. They arrived just after it opened and they slowly made their way through the first room. Spencer was full of information and Chelsea was fascinated. As they entered a room with artifacts from most of the US Presidents, Spencer had become quiet. Chelsea asked what was wrong and he said he was sure he was saying too much.

Chelsea laughed and told him that she came to see one of the many Smithsonian Museums at least six times per year. Most of her friends didn't want to come with her because she would spend too much time there. She explained that she loved to join the 8th grade trip classes each spring when they were given tours. The docents of the museum have special stories that they would tell the 8th graders. "I might even know a few things about this museum that you don't." she teased Spencer.

"Like what?" He didn't sound like he believed her.

"OK, did you know that President Taft once got stuck in the tub at the White House?"

Spencer thought she was lying. She just laughed and told him "When he was president, one time when he was taking a bath, he really was unable to get out of the tub. One of his personal staff members had to come and pull the plug to drain the tub. He could not reach the plug himself because of his girth. That released the suction that was keeping him from being able to get out. He then had a new larger tub installed that is still in the White House today."

He looked at her, "You're serious aren't you?"

"Yep. I'm full of useless knowledge like that" she smiled. "The docents want to keep the students awake and learning so they tell stories that are fun and interesting between the hard facts to help them remember."

She continued, "I've actually sat out on the Mall for an hour just waiting for an 8th grade trip group to arrive. I just follow them inside whatever museum they are headed to and hang back and listen. You should hear some of the questions that an 8th grader will ask." She laughed, "Out of the mouths of babes. You can see why most of my friends don't want to come here with me."

For the rest day, Spencer described items in the museum and was fascinated with the unusual tidbits of information Chelsea had learned. They headed back to the Metro station at about 5:00 pm. When they were on their way back to Chelsea's place, he asked if she would like to stop for dinner somewhere.

She laughed and said, "There is no way you can get me into a restaurant tonight. I would like to go and get some take-out food somewhere and bring it back to my place."

He looked at her and she realized that he didn't understand why she had said that. "Think of the date, Spencer. All restaurants are crazy tonight and I swore I'd never go out again on this night."

All at once Spencer realized that it was February 14th, Valentine's Day. He apologized for not knowing the date. "I should have made a special reservation for you or brought you flowers or something. I'm so sorry."

"Please don't be sorry. Today has been the best Valentine's Day ever. I enjoyed going to the museum with you more than anything else I could have thought about doing today. Every year on February 14th restaurants are crazy busy. People linger over dinner, they try and stuff too many reservations into the night, they are short staffed because people call in sick to go out themselves, they take a few of the most popular meals add a cheap glass of champagne and a heart shaped desert and call it a special and double the price."

She paused to take a breath, "Can you tell I don't really like to go out on Valentine's Day?" Spencer found himself laughing at her description. To be honest, he had never been out on Valentine's Day before so he didn't really know what to expect. He was happy to hear her comments, but he was still sorry he hadn't even given the date a thought. It proved to him how socially deficient he was.

They stopped by a take-out Chinese restaurant not far from Chelsea's and took the food up to her apartment. They were both hungry after the busy day. They had grabbed a sandwich at the museum for lunch, but they were prepackaged and not very appetizing. The Chinese food tasted especially good after the long day they had and Spencer appreciated that she didn't laugh at him for using a fork instead of chopsticks. She didn't even seem to notice when he got up and pulled a fork out of her kitchen drawer.

After dinner they were sitting on her couch listening to some music when she told him she wanted to talk to him about something serious. She asked him how he felt about marriage and children. She was quick to point out she wasn't looking for a proposal; she just wanted to know what type of plans he had for the future.

Spencer was afraid this conversation would eventually come up. He was hoping it would be a long time from now. He was honest and told her he never pictured himself married or having any kids.

She seemed both surprised and sad. "You have always talked so kindly and lovingly about children while on a case. I don't understand why you would be against raising your own."

He paused and took a deep breath. "It's not that I don't like children." She stayed silent as he paused again. "There's something about me I haven't told you. Actually it's about my mother." He detailed her entire illness, how it had made his childhood difficult not really having a parent around much of the time, how he had to have her hospitalized when he was 18, he even filled in the details of his visions when he was drugged by Tobias and the real reason his father had left. He finished by telling her that Schizophrenia is genetic. "Although I am past the age that it usually appears I am consistently afraid that I might start to show symptoms. There is no way I could ever have a child knowing that I might pass that horrible disease on to him or her. I would be worried about it until the child was at least 35 and would never forgive myself if he or she were to become ill."

Chelsea sat in silence and listened to the description of his childhood. It hurt her heart just thinking about how much he had to deal with as a child. She wished she could have known him back then and helped him. "Is that why you think you don't want to be married also?"

"Marriage doesn't seem to last around me. My parents were divorced when I was ten; both Gideon and Rossi have several exes. Hotch recently divorced because of this job and most everyone else at work can't even keep a girlfriend or boyfriend past a few months. The BAU and marriage don't seem to go together."

Chelsea decided to approach the child issue first. "You know that having a biological child is not the only way to have children. Did you know that John's oldest daughter was adopted?" Spencer shook his head, no.

She continued, "Katy was 6 years old and in a car with her dad, mom and baby brother on vacation in DC and they were driving through Rock Creek Park. Two warring drug gangs had a shootout that day, and they were caught in the crossfire. Her dad and baby brother were killed immediately and her mother was in critical condition. Amazingly Katy was not hurt at all. The front seats and the baby seat next to her stopped the bullets. John was one of the first cops on the scene and tried to help the mother first. He looked in the back seat and saw Katy crying. As the ambulance pulled up, he looked over Katy and saw that she was untouched by any of the bullets. She had a small scratch on her knee from the window glass and that was it."

"He held her until social services arrived. They wanted to take her to the hospital to have her checked out and hold her until they could reach a relative. John had seen that the family was from Wisconsin and knew that the girl would likely end up in a short term foster home until a relative could be located. Katy had become attached to John during the chaotic scene and cried every time anyone tried to take her out of his arms. John called his wife, Becky, to see if she would be willing to take the girl for a few nights. Becky was an elementary school teacher so both John and Becky had had some screenings for their work. Arrangements were made for an emergency foster care provision so John and Becky could take her after she was cleared at the hospital. The foster system is so overtaxed in DC that the social worker was grateful for the help and got the paperwork pushed through in a few hours."

She continued, "I was 16 at the time and John asked if I would come over and talk to Katy. I had been 11 when my dad was killed, but John had thought that someone closer to her age that had been through a similar loss might be helpful. Katy's only living relative was a 79 year old grandfather. He loved Katy dearly, but was unable to take care of her himself. When he came to the hospital to visit his dying daughter, he met Becky and John and agreed to let them help keep Katy while he was at the hospital. Over time he decided to move from Wisconsin and stay in DC and let John and Becky adopt Katy. He also became a part of the family until he died 5 years ago. Katy and I have become very close and she is almost like a sister to me. You've heard me mention her, but you would never be able to tell that she was adopted and her brother was biological would you?"

Spencer assumed it was a rhetorical question and let Chelsea finish. "I know that was a long story, but I've always loved that they took her into their home and she became theirs. I have another friend from when I worked at the CPA firm that has adopted two foster kids, both when they were three. I've always known that I would like to adopt a foster child also; there are so many kids out there that need a good home. I really thought that I would not get married, and about age 30 I would apply for the foster program to adopt a child. I think that a child should have two parents when possible, but with so many children that need adoption, I would like to adopt an older child that would likely go un-adopted. I think with my FBI clearance, my income, my flexible hours and that I own my own home, I would be able to be approved fairly quickly."

"Had you ever considered foster to adopt as an option?" she asked Spencer.

He again shook his head no. After a pause he said, "I really planned to be alone and never have children. I can barely keep a plant alive with my hours; no one would want me to have a child."

At that Chelsea laughed. "No one would want you to do it alone. I do hope you would think about it. I would love to see us have a future together."

Spencer started to feel ill. He had spent his whole life expecting to be alone. He knew no one would want to be with him for very long and it was only a matter of time before Chelsea would leave him. His father had. Gideon had. She would also. "I can't think of marriage. I'm sorry." His voice was very high pitched. "I love spending time with you."

Chelsea swallowed hard. This conversation had not been anything like she had expected. She thought hard about how she was feeling and knew that she could not continue a relationship if he didn't want the same future she did. "If there is no chance that you ever would want to marry me, I don't see how we can continue to see each other. I'm not asking for a commitment right now, but if you are sure that you never what to be married, I can't stay around. It would not be fair to either of us. If in a year from now I tell you I am ready to get married, you would remind me that you made yourself clear, you don't want that out of a relationship, where would that leave us?" She was trying to hold back tears now. "You understand what I mean right? It hurts now thinking of not seeing you, but in a year from now if you were to leave me because you didn't want what I want, I couldn't take it."

She sat there for a few minutes, but he didn't respond. She knew she was in shock. She didn't expect him to want to get married right now, but she had been sure that he would eventually want the same things she did. He was so determined that he never wanted to be married or have kids and she didn't believe he was ever going to change his mind. She stood up and started towards the door. Spencer followed, started to say something and realized there was nothing he could say.

As he picked up his coat and scarf she said, "Don't worry about my grandpa. He loves you and this is not either of our faults. We both just want different things." Spencer hadn't even thought of that yet. Bob was going to be as sad as Chelsea was, as sad as he was. It was just hitting him how sad he was to have her out of his life and she was still in front of him. "Grandpa would adopt you if he could, then you'd be my uncle." She laughed a little through her tears. "I'm going to brunch with him in the morning. I'll explain it to him, don't worry; he will not be upset at you. He'll probably give you a call later in the day just to see how you are doing if I know him."

With that he was outside her door and he heard her say "Be safe" as she closed the door. He could hear her crying from behind the door as he waited for the elevator. He wanted to go and comfort her, but he knew he couldn't. This was the right thing to do. He didn't deserve a good person like Chelsea. She was better off without him.

Chelsea ran herself a bath and wiped away her tears enough to call her grandpa. She didn't tell him anything other than she wanted to talk to him alone in the morning and she hoped he had not invited any of his friends to join them. He told her that his friend Neil had planned on joining them, but had called earlier to say he couldn't make it. He asked Chelsea what was wrong; she said she was fine and she would talk to him in the morning.

She spent the next two hours in the tub. She had to keep letting out cold water and adding hot to make it comfortable. Somehow it felt better crying in the tub. She kept thinking about the conversation with Spencer and was second-guessing herself. Was she too quick to make him leave? Could she stay in a relationship with a man that never wanted the same things she wanted?

She knew she had done the right thing. She did want kids. Even if she had to adopt them herself. If she stayed with Spencer she would have to give up that dream and she didn't think she could do that.

By the time she got out it was after 1:00 am, she was exhausted and her skin was completely wrinkled. She climbed into bed and cried herself to sleep. When her alarm went off and she first woke up, she had forgotten what had happened and then the conversation sprang to mind and she felt ill. She didn't feel like getting out of bed, but she got up, showered and got ready to go to brunch. She knew she had to do it, and talking to her grandpa always made her feel better.


	10. Chapter 10

She made it to the club just in time for their 9:00 am reservation. Her grandpa was already at the table waiting for her. He could tell she was upset and the first thing he asked was "Spencer?" she nodded. They ordered off the menu. Chelsea didn't think she was up to standing in the buffet line this morning. Over breakfast, what little she actually ate, she told her grandpa about yesterday. How it had gone from the best Valentine's Day ever to her broken heart. Bob listened to the story and was sorry to hear that things were not working out with them. He could tell that Chelsea was in love with him by how often she mentioned it wasn't his fault. She really didn't want him to be upset at Spencer.

Bob was hoping they would still work it out. They really did seem like a good couple. After she was finished he told Chelsea, "Maybe things will still work out. You did probably scare him with the thought of marriage and kids. He might come around after thinking about it for a while." He paused for a minute and a big smile was on his face. "Sometimes people surprise you."

Chelsea thought about that comment and said, "Yeah, they sometimes shock the hell out of me," sounding disgusted. She was thinking about the unsubs that Spencer went after not Spencer himself. She wasn't sure why her grandpa was smiling until she turned around to follow his gaze. There was Spencer looking a bit sheepish walking towards them with both of his hands in his pant's pockets. Her grandpa stood up and shook his hand. "I think you young people need to be alone, Chelsea, I'm fine here, go ahead and talk to Spencer."

-#-

Last night when Spencer had left Chelsea's building he felt numb. He didn't want to walk to the Metro and the thought of sitting on the subway trying not to cry didn't help. He hailed a cab and went back to his apartment. It felt more empty than usual. He drew himself a bath and started to think about what she had said. He was angry with himself for hurting her. He had heard her crying and he knew that was completely his fault. She had been so nice when he left. Between the tears she told him it wasn't either of their faults and she would make sure she told her grandpa that. He was sure Bob wouldn't be angry with him, but he should be. It was his fault. He should have never let it go this far. He always knew it wouldn't end well, but he continued to see Chelsea because he was selfish. He loved being with her and didn't want it to stop. As he sat in the tub, he came to the realization that not only did he love being with her. He loved her. Dr. Spencer Reid was in love. He didn't know how to handle that. It was best he had left before he told her that. She was going to be better off without him.

He didn't even bother trying to sleep. He knew that sleep would never come. He sat in his favorite chair and picked up a book. He couldn't even concentrate on reading. He looked over at a small stack of books on the side table. He had purchased them when he took Chelsea to his favorite used bookstore. The memory made him smile. He was miserable without her. But the thought of marriage terrified him. Not to mention kids. She had said she didn't care if she had any biological kids. Unconsciously, that was how he always thought he could get out of the relationship. He figured she would want kids, find out he couldn't have any and leave him. But she didn't leave him. He had refused to even think of marriage and had left. How could he fix this?

-#-

Chelsea looked up at Spencer. She didn't see what they needed to talk about. He was very clear what he wanted or more specifically what he didn't want last night. She didn't want to be one of those couples that continued to see each other and have the same argument over and over again. She got up and looked at Spencer "I'm not going out to that bench today. It's raining." She sounded even gruffer than she had meant to sound. But she really was still upset and couldn't figure out why he had interrupted her breakfast.

Spencer winced at the comment; they had started their relationship out on that bench. He nodded and led her over to the bar area. They were overlooking the firing range, but there didn't seem to be any activity down there today.

Spencer looked at her and told her he was sorry. She started to speak, but he asked her to let him finish. He spoke very softly, almost in a whisper, but looking directly at her. He told her he had never felt this way about anyone before in his life and it scared him. So many people in his life had abandoned him. His father first and Gideon, but he also felt abandoned by his mother. He knew that wasn't fair, she was ill, but she had not been there for so many of his accomplishments or when he was hurt or in trouble that it felt like she had left him also. He didn't know if he could take that again.

Chelsea's anger faded a little. "I'm scared too." She said, "I've never wanted to go out with someone more than a couple of dates before and here I am thinking about spending the rest of my life with you." She took a deep breath and tried to concentrate on the correct words. "Spencer, I know we've only been going out for about six weeks, and I didn't want to freak you out, but I needed to know that you felt the same way. That maybe we could have a future together. I wasn't asking for you to make a commitment or a marriage proposal. Do you understand that?"

He nodded, "I did as you called it, freak out. I'm sorry. I really didn't even realize how much you meant to me until I lost you."

"You didn't lose me. That is if you do think we can work this out, I'm right here."

Spencer's voice cracked, "Every day I'm afraid you will find out the real me and want to run away. It's hard to make future plans when you don't think there is a future."

Chelsea surprised Spencer and got up and moved to sit in his lap. "I do know the real you. You are a sweet, generous, very smart man. Yes, you've had a hard time in your past, but I want to be here to make sure your future is wonderful. Again, I'm not asking you to commit to marriage and kids today, but are you willing to THINK about that as a future with us together?"

His eyes were damp and he didn't feel like he could speak so he simply nodded. She smiled and lightly kissed him. "There is a reason I brought everything up last night, it is because I was hoping that tonight you would come over and stay with me. I wanted to see if you thought we had the same future as I did." She went on, "I would make you a home cooked meal. You stay at a lot of hotels and always have a go bag ready, so I didn't think another night somewhere would be difficult. Would you want to stay?" she felt a bit nervous and was rambling.

He nodded again and kissed her; he didn't care if anyone was watching. The bar area was mostly empty except one man watching a NASCAR race on the screen at the bar. Neither Spencer nor Chelsea saw Bob just outside the bar smiling at them.

They walked out to their cars and Chelsea asked him to be at her house around 5:30. She needed to stop at the store and get some supplies for the night's dinner. They both had brought umbrellas, but Spencer used his to cover them both in the parking lot. Just before she climbed in her car, she kissed him on the cheek and asked him to pick up some condoms.


	11. Chapter 11

Spencer was still dressed in the gray slacks, black converse, lavender long sleeve shirt, and dark blue, gray and purple sweater vest that he had on when he went to see Chelsea at brunch with her grandfather. He also was wearing his black trench coat and purple scarf, she had mentioned she liked it and he found himself wanting to please her, especially tonight. On the way home from the Rifle Club, he had stopped and picked up a bunch of purple irises, one of her favorite flowers as well as a package of condoms. He had been amazed by all of the different types. There were different shapes and sizes, some were ribbed, some lubricated both inside and out. He had not done research in this area before, and it was more that he had imagined.

He had gone back to his apartment to get his go bag and his brown satchel and had taken the 20 minute Metro ride to her apartment. Fortunately it was only a 10-minute walk from the stop because it had started to lightly rain again.

He felt bad about both not remembering Valentine's Day and how he had left things last night so he was glad he had picked up the flowers. When he entered her building, Charlie the night doorman said hi and waved him through to the elevator. He no longer had to show his ID to get into the building. All of the doormen knew him by sight. The elevator was very nice and large and the building was only built in 2005. He knew it was safe, but he still was slightly anxious since last year when he and Morgan had been stuck in one. He was feeling anxious all afternoon, ever since she had asked him to come over for dinner and to stay the night and somehow the elevator was more intimidating tonight.

She opened the door and he smiled seeing how beautiful she looked. She had changed into bright pink sweat pants and a white short sleeve T-shirt with a design of pink, yellow and orange flowers. He noticed she was barefoot as she leaned up gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and thanked him for the flowers. She told him to hang up his coat while she put the flowers in water and roast back in the oven. He had just finished hanging up his coat and scarf on the coat rack by the front door when she was back at his side. She was chatting the whole time telling him she loved making an old fashioned beef roast with potatoes and gravy but it wasn't something you made just for yourself. Her chatter made him think she may be as nervous as he was and somehow that relaxed him a little.

She grabbed his go bag and motioned him to follow her into her bedroom. "Is there anything you need to hang up?" she asked as she pointed at the closet. I've cleared a space and have some hangers. "Just a few shirts" his voice cracked a bit as it some times did when he was nervous as he noticed that the bed had been turned down. She set his bag down on the settee at the end of her bed and helped him hang up his things. When they had finished, she put her arms around his neck and pulled him close for a kiss. She started lightly and as he responded the kiss became deeper and deeper. She pulled away slightly and whispered, "I want you" as she gently pushed a loose piece of his hair back behind his ear. "I don't want to try and make small talk for the next hour knowing that I want you." The last of her words were muffled as she again kissed him.

Spencer's heart was racing and he was beginning to breathe harder when he pulled away. "I haven't….I never…" words failed him. He didn't know what to say and knew he should be embarrassed but he wasn't. She knew so much of his history, he was sure that she understood that he had never made love to a woman. He had kissed a few girls over the years and even had a few witnesses, cops and prostitutes come on to him, but he had never felt this close to someone to want to get intimate. As his words trailed off, she responded softly in his ear, "it doesn't matter, do you want to?" He moved to gently take her face in his hands, looked her in the eyes and said "Very much so." He saw her start to smile as he kissed her passionately.

Chelsea led him over to the bed and sat him down to help him take off his shoes and socks. She smiled as she noticed the later were mismatched as usual. One was purple with small black stripes and the other was a purple, orange and dark blue paisley pattern. Even mismatched they had style, Spencer style. She then sat on the bed next to him and helped take of his vest. She noticed again how lovely he looked in lavender and the sweater vest seemed to suit him perfectly. She felt incredibly blessed to have this wonderfully gentle man staying the night with her. Hopefully, the first of many.

He helped pull her T-shirt over her head and his breath quickened when he fingered her bra strap and kissed her neck. He pulled back and looked into her eyes seeing his own desires mirrored there. He brought his mouth down on hers and was lost in the kiss.

-#-

An hour later, Chelsea had dressed and gone to the kitchen to finish their dinner. When Spencer came out of the bedroom walking towards her ten minutes later, she thought he looked so amazing it almost took her breath away. He had a slight smile that shone through to his eyes. His hair was tussled and he had tried to push it behind his ears, but a few strands were hanging across his forehead. He was wearing the same pants and shirt that he arrived in, but the shirt was untucked and the 2 top buttons were undone. He was also barefoot. She was happy that he seemed comfortable in at her place, but he still seemed a bit shy.

Chelsea wanted to make him feel at ease and started some small talk about how she was making a roux with flour to thicken the gravy. When he walked up she noticed his eyes were looking down at her hip. She looked down and there was a full handprint of flour on her bright pink sweats. She laughed, "I always wear as much flour as I use. You should have seen me earlier, when I made cookies."

Spencer raised an eyebrow "Cookies?"

"Lemon, with lemon powdered sugar frosting" as she pointed to the plate. She watched him look over at the plate saying, "You want one before dinner?"

He replied, "Do you mind?" She answered by handing him the plate. She watched as he took one of the cookies from the plate and took a bite, she felt like she could watch his hands for hours. Those glorious hands, she felt herself flushing thinking about what his hands had just done to her body and turned back to the gravy before he could notice.

"These are amazing, as he finished the small cookie. You remembered I love lemon?"

"Yeah, my mom used to make these when I was little; I thought of you so I pulled out my old box of recipes to find it."

Chelsea had set the table before he arrived and ask Spencer to pour them both a glass of wine. He noticed the irises he had brought her in a crystal vase in the center of the table. They looked nice and he was glad he had thought to purchase them for her. She handed him the bottle of Merlot that she had opened to cook the roast with earlier. It had been years since Spencer had had a home cooked meal like this. He was proficient in the kitchen; he had made meals for his mom and himself growing up and later living alone, but not something like this. Hotch and Hailey had had several of the team over for dinner a few times before they separated, but with their crazy schedule the team ate out most of the time.

He not only enjoyed the meal, but the company. They always seemed to have something to talk about. When they were cleaning up, Chelsea asked if he'd mind watching an hour cable program. There was a MSNBC special that night with a segment on one of her current cases. One of the principal's of Abbot & Carson Brokerage had hired her to do an internal investigation into the SEC's claim of insider trading. There were four defendants in this case. Most times during an active investigation, everyone was quiet. This time one of the accused men felt he was being railroaded and was hoping to get the public behind him. She wanted to know if he would mistakenly give away any new information or say anything sensitive. The court had issued search warrants for all of the documents from all of the accused, but his man had hidden all of the documents and was going to be arrested on Monday for obstruction of justice. She took a few notes during the show and put a pot on to boil water for tea during a commercial break. Spencer was fascinated by the case and Chelsea's involvement in it. He knew she could not talk about an ongoing investigation other than the information that was given on the program.

When the show ended, she served the Sleepytime Decaf Lemon Jasmine Green Tea with lots of sugar for Spencer and lemon cookies. She teased him that he liked his hot tea so sweet that it was like Kool-aid, but in truth she preferred her tea sweet also. She turned the TV to a Contemporary Jazz station. While he preferred classical music and she listened mostly to pop, they found they both liked Jazz. There were four Jazz stations on her cable company line-up and they had enjoyed all of them on different evenings.

After they had finished their tea and had eaten many of the cookies, Chelsea started the dishwasher, turned off the living area lights and led Spencer to the bedroom. They both took out their contacts and finished getting ready for bed. She took off her clothes and left on her bra and panties jumped up on the bed and motioned Spencer to do the same. He followed her lead, left on his boxers and climbed up on the bed and mirrored her position sitting cross-legged facing her, not knowing what to expect. The lights in the room were out except both bedside lamps on the nightstands. She took both of his hands in hers, resting them on his knees. "I remember that you don't like to sleep in complete darkness."

He started to protest saying "How…." then remembering, "…when I was in Sarasota, Florida working on the teenage murders."

"Yes" she smiled, "the first night you called me just before bed to say good night and turned off the lights while I was on the phone."

"I was thinking out loud and said how dark it was and went to turn on the bathroom light. I then realized I needed to explain what I had said." He seemed embarrassed by the whole conversation. "It's OK if you prefer the dark, I'll be fine."

She just smiled and told him she had a surprise for him. She told him to close his eyes. He started to protest, but thought better of it and complied. She kept telling him to keep them closed and she released his hands, he could feel her moving around on the bed as she flipped a switch that turned off both lamps. She came back to her original position and once again took his hands. "Can I open them yet?" he asked quietly.

"Yes," she said, as he opened them. He was pleased at what he saw. "This is my own version of a night light," she announced as he looked around the room. The room was glowing a soft blue, almost purple illumination. As he looked out the wall length, floor to ceiling windows behind her bed, he saw the source of the light. About 500 yards away, was a large office building with a red and blue band of neon tube lighting aligning the top of it. Looking down to the first floor, on each corner was a yellow and green logo he recognized of a local bank. The building was way over to the left of her room so it did not block her view of the city or green areas, nor were the lights over powering. "Those lights are on 24/7 365 days a year. When I purchased this place, the automatic blackout curtains were included. I guess most people like to sleep in the dark in private. I don't worry about people looking in my room. It's an office building mostly occupied in the day, it's far away and at a strange angle. Someone would have to be using binoculars and really, really want to be watching to see anything. I've only closed the curtains a few times. I really only close them when I've had the flu or something and needed to sleep during the day. I like the glow the lights give this room."

She climbed around behind him and started to massage his shoulders. "I'm sure you have figured out what time you need to leave to get to work in the morning. I suggest you make sure you are early. Your coworkers are going to know something's different with you and if you walk in after they do you are going to get hit with questions." He was listening, but he was so relaxed with her massaging his shoulders and neck, he didn't answer.


	12. Chapter 12

Spencer walked into work 30 minutes early. He arrived early most days and he really didn't believe that anyone would see any difference in him, but he decided not to take any chances. No one even knew he was dating anyone, why would they think anything more?

Last night Chelsea had asked him to wake her up when his alarm went off, she wanted to make sure to say good-bye. She told him that she never knew when he left her place if she would see him soon or he would be off on a case for a week. She looked so peaceful sleeping when he awoke, but he did what she asked. He smiled thinking about it. When she woke up she had smiled at him and stretched fully waking and with a hug pulled him close. He didn't know of a time he felt more alive or happy in his life. As usual her last words as he left were "Be safe" her voice echoed in his mind as he bent down over some files.

Everyone started to arrive 20 minutes later chatting about his or her weekends. Spencer decided to stick with as much truth as he could. He asked everyone what they had done for Valentine's Day. Morgan seemed surprised that he knew that it was Valentine's Day. He pretended to be horrified, "what, I don't live under a rock." Morgan looked at him and raised an eyebrow. "OK, I spent the day at the Smithsonian on Saturday and realized it was Valentine's Day when I went to grab some takeout. The restaurant was a mess and I realized the significance of February 14th while I waited for my food."

They were not called on a case that day and spent part of the day finishing paperwork from the last week's case in Olympic, Washington. It made him think of Chelsea telling him to focus on the good he did helping all of the victims' families and he smiled.

The rest of the day was spent working on profiles of current cases of local police departments across the country. Hundreds of cases were sent to the BAU monthly asking for help and although they are not available to help on every case, they do assist on many cases by putting together a profile.

Once in the late morning while Spencer was getting coffee, Prentiss came into the break room at the same time and asked what he was smiling about. He wasn't even aware he was smiling. Spencer fumbled with his words for a minute and said he was thinking about a book he read. She stared at him for a few seconds, but didn't push the subject. As she turned to get her coffee, he hurried back to his desk.

Rossi was on his yearly vacation. This year he was doing public appearances on the re-release of his first book. The 10th anniversary addition of "_Deviance: The Secret Desires of Sadistic Serial Killers_", leaving Morgan, JJ, Prentiss, and Garcia to join him for lunch. Hotch rarely joined them and today he again ate at his desk.

They all wanted to know what was different with Spencer. They said he had been acting different recently and especially in the last few weeks. He kept insisting that nothing was going on, but he finally realized they were afraid that he might be using again. He eased all of their fears by telling them he was still clean and that he had a great weekend at the Smithsonian.

Finally when they refused to change the subject, he decided to tell them about Bob. He asked if they remembered the "movie" he had gone to almost a year ago before the Owen Savage case. He told them almost the whole story how he had met Bob and that he went to a few gatherings and played poker with Bob and some of his friends. He told them he had just wanted to keep a bit of his life to himself and have some friends outside of work. He didn't bring up Chelsea at all. They were all glad he had told them, and said they were sorry they had pushed him, but they did worry about him and wanted to make sure he was OK. He really did feel better after he told them and was able to enjoy lunch with his friends.

All day he was thinking about going back to Chelsea's place. In the late afternoon, when he was getting another cup of coffee, Emily approached him. She kept smiling at him and he finally broke down and said "What are you smiling about?"

She just said, "You may have the rest of them fooled, but I know you're not telling us something." She paused, "I'm very glad you have found some friends outside of work and I'm not going to push you to tell me more. But you know I'll figure it out." She kept smiling and left the break room with her cup of coffee with Reid just staring at her.

By 4:45 when they had not been called on a case, he texted Chelsea to see if she wanted to go out. She texted back that she would like him to come over after work. He called her on the subway ride home and she mentioned that one of her favorite meals was the leftovers from the roast. She had gone to the bakery that day and purchased some crusty French bread and was planning to make warm open face sandwiches with the leftover meat and gravy. She hoped he would join her.

Spencer knew he would have to tell the team about her sometime, especially if they were planning to spend a lot of time together. He thought again about what Emily had said and wondered what she thought she knew, but he wasn't going to worry about that now. He was happy with keeping Chelsea to himself. He went to his apartment to update his go bag and went straight over to Chelsea's. She was right about how good the sandwiches were. She had roasted some seasoned potatoes and asparagus to complete the meal. Spencer felt very comfortable at her place; it was like he really had a home for the first time since before his dad left.


End file.
